Hi everyone!
I've been using this resource for many years now and would like to say a wholehearted "thank you!" to many of the contributors here. The knowledge and experience shared through these pages is invaluable, and long may it continue.
I first started my DMT journey around 7 years ago. Like many people, Terence brought me here. I spent hours listening to his (and others'
lectures and became curious, then fascinated. I learned how to do a simple extraction of the molecule (thanks to real-life Breaking Bad hero, sadly now departed, David Barlow) and built myself a machine. I took a few small hits over a few days and then resolved to
Do It.
The truth is, in some ways, I am still coming to terms with that decision. I won't write a full trip report of that experience but may well upload that in the experiences section one of these days.
To cut a long story short, in 12 short minutes my entire world-view was shattered. Everything that I had been told was impossible came true before my very eyes. Magic revealed itself to me in ways beyond my wildest imagining. I experienced an extremely rapid ego death, I saw the Elves. It was, as I understand it, the peak of the (certainly my) human experience, both awe inspiring and terrible. To be blunt, I was not prepared.
I was so unprepared, in fact, that it terrified me to my very core. I actually ended up with some PTSD-type symptoms. I have not had a smoked breakthrough experience since, although I have carried out numerous extractions to share with interested travelers (always gifted, never sold, of course).
I did, however, start participating in Ayahuasca ceremonies about a year later, and have now taken part in six of these with various practitioners. These have been some of the most meaningful and healing experiences of my life. They have helped me to come to terms with myself, overcome a serious and long-standing substance addiction (now almost 2 years clean), and let go of people, situations and life events that have caused me great difficulties in my past. I am so grateful for this medicine.
These ceremonies have also begun to help me come to terms with DMT itself, and I now find myself interested in vapourising the molecule once more - hence I have finally joined the nexus.
What I'm hoping to find here is some help with the fear (terror) of the smoalked DMT experience. I am in the process of making a Julian Palmer-style Changa at the moment, which according to he himself would be a 25% blend - I know many people prefer a 1:1 ratio, but I am very cautious and want to ease myself back in to the space.
But I have reasonably pure crystals too, and a GVG, so vaping is not out of the question.
So nexus: how (and why?) do you deal with your fear, and how should I go about getting back into the rocket ship?
Peace and love to all
X