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AmbientExplosion
#1 Posted : 1/18/2021 2:23:15 AM

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Joined: 16-Jan-2021
Last visit: 05-Feb-2021
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Hello! Thank you traveler for creating this space for us! I am so glad someone told me about this nexus.

I am so intrigued with DMT after an experience in the magic eye (or is it referred to as CandyLand here?) And of course I am excited to have a break through at some point after I deal with some fear and anxiety.

some background
About two years ago I started going into an isolation pod (float pad, sensory deprivation, which ever you want to refer to it as)
I go 1 hour sundays and 2 hour tuesdays. This opened me up to a whole knew world of self discovery. From there I started ingesting shrooms. Every two weeks, sometimes while in sensory deprivation. It was often pretty intense and some anxiety was common while floating. I always came out of it learning a lesson, something new about myself.
It was common for me to take 5 grams and still be pretty functional. No crazy visuals unless I closed my eyes. If i laid down and meditated it would open me up to a whole new work of what i was, my relation to the universe...
After about a year Dimitri came to hang out with me. Of course I was excited. I feel like Ive been training for this for years now. With floating, shrooms, meditation, and so much growth ive gained over the past couple years. I was told that there is no preparing though. I didnt realize how correct that was...

First experience trip report
I had my mind set that I wanted to chill with Dimitri on dec 21st, as there was an astronomical event. I remember feeling like i NEEDED to do it that day. Which may not had been the best choice because I was having relationship issues that started just the day before.
I wanted to trip sitter but my dogs would be to excited over company if i brought someone here (small studio style house, cant get away from them)
so I went to my friends house so she could trip sit me. It was not a place I had been before. I was in her dark bedroom with the door shut, her on the other side giving me privacy. I put on my sleep mask with speakers built in and put on some Clams Casino - Moon Trip Radio- a go to for trips for me. During my experience the music warped and distorted.
Then I started. Managed 2 hits, I think I loaded 30mg. May had burned some due to not being familiar with my new yocan evolve.
I heard a high pitch, a strange frequency. It felt like my head was melting on the side and my jaw being pulled. I didnt get hung up on it, because on mushrooms my head sometimes feels like its particalizng or something.
Then my whole vision was nothing but VERY intense shapes and colors I cannot explain well. I was like a magic eye circus. Puzzle pieces, colorful gears, jester hats, diamonds, and scary mouths with teeth would randomly appear.
Something felt VERY menacing about it. I pretty much was begging " i surrender i surrender i surrender" although it was clear i did not and was freaking out. I am not sure what scared me so bad. I just never felt a total loss of control like that. I never have saw visuals like that.

I had a float planned the day after, and went. I was terrified of the dark pod, and was seeing DMT type visuals very intensely (Yes i was sober)
My anxiety went through the roof. I made it through the 1 hour duration but was shaken. I think I saw myself as a child. There was a lot that happened in that pod that afternoon i dont even remember... I was in a state that felt between realms.
Then maybe a week later i decided to take 5g shrooms. Totally nothing out of the ordinary for me. Well, it totally handed me my ass. It had tons of elements from that DMT trip and felt menacing at times (not the whole time) It gave me a lot of anxiety... I had a hard time!
Maybe a week after that, not expecting much effect, i took 2.5 g mushrooms and went and meditated. I closed my eyes to milder DMT like visuals and only felt a tiny bit of fear. I got a lot good out of this trip because while lost in time and laying on my bed i realized any negative i feel and see is also me. Developed like a mantra "This is also me" and it really seemed to help me.

I have been scared to try DMT again. If a sub breakthough visual that didnt really have many actual dark elements in it shook me up like this i am scared it will again. I keep looking back trying to figure out what upset me. It was when i saw the jester hats, Because I heard bad things about jesters being tricksters and can be dark. I think me thinking that caused the menacing feeling.(That too is me!) It was just the hats, so if i saw an actual Jester no telling how id react. I HOPE i can put fear aside and follow him/ not be scared of him.. or whatever happen!

I want to add, I did find some bravery and loaded my yocan with like 10mg. Didnt have much effect on me, I know thats not enough to do much. But its a great start for me, as the site of my device was giving me anxiety prior. I am hoping with journaling, soul searching, and love that I will soon feel like it is okay to try a breakthough.

If anyone has any tips or anything to say that can maybe help me realize why i was so scared, it would be some of the most valuable information Ive ever received. I want to continue my exploration. Not be afraid.

Some questions
Will all my shroom and DMT trips look like a freaky circus now? If i break through will psychs stop showing me that?

Can DMT cause you to become sensitive to shrooms and even weed?? Seems it did me.

Does my diet previous to a DMT experience really matter? Caffeine, nicotine, sugars, meat, etc
cannabis use prior?

Could my not so great experience be in part of me being in a strange place and on the verge of a breakup? (What kind of question is this, right of course it did)

THANK YOU. Seriously. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for reading. You are doing important work.
 

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AmbientExplosion
#2 Posted : 1/18/2021 3:59:23 AM

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Sorry, I also forgot to mention that Ive been lucid dreaming for several years now as well. I am not sure if that would make a difference in anything or not...
But i am even seeing circus jester, puzzle pieces and such in my dreams. I cant use any amount of dream control to get the to go away.
 
Seeingisbelieving
#3 Posted : 1/18/2021 5:24:27 AM

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Joined: 30-Oct-2020
Last visit: 06-Mar-2021
I've found that if you do NOT truly love being freaked out beyond anything you can imagine dmt is not the substance for you haha.

The clown/circus freak show is a recurring motif. I've found that every single trip has been unique, although things do recur and filter into trips. YOU ARE THE CONTROLLER. I stress that point.

I have quit caffeine use and would even like to quit sugar use altogether. I hope you enjoy your next trip. Low doses with a pencil and pad make for an amazing sunset experience...

peace
 
potnoble
#4 Posted : 1/18/2021 9:08:21 AM

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Last visit: 06-Mar-2021
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Welcome AmbientExplosion


I think the scary part is when you can´t really let go. On a strong shroom trip you have
time to let go while on DMT it happens so fast you can´t really be prepared.
This can be very intense. But i can also tell you that sub breakthrough doses
are often harder to handle then going all the way.
It´s like having one foot in this world and one in the other.
My only "bad" trip on any substance was a sub bt dose.
But it was also a blessing in disguise because i took a break from DMT for 6 months after that
and developed a ritual that makes it even more special for myself.
My trip after that was one of the most beautiful things i experienced in my life.



The question about your diet can only be answered by yourself. If sth. is bothering you
get rid of it. You will find alot of people that completly changed their diet because of
psycedelics.

Since i have started to use DMT every now and then i have cut down any use of other substances.
Only a little weed sometimes and my mushroom/acid doses have been at about 50% compared to
a few years back. So i don´t know if it makes you more sensitive but it definetly makes
you more mindfull. I have been a heavy weed smoker all my life. Now i don´t smoke anymore
and giggle like a little kid when i vape half a bowl.


You really sparked my interest for those isolation pods.

Anyways have a gud one and i hope next time you hang out with dimitri it is not that scary Thumbs up
Psychedelic drugs don´t change you, they don´t change your character,
unless you want to be changed. They enable change. They can´t impose it.
Alexander Shulgin
 
 
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