..with me..
These experiences..these places..these truths..they penetrate..they run so deep..oceans of understanding..of meaning..of revelation..of love..of light..

So many..after hundreds of these things I am beginning to see..each and everyone comming together..they colelesque..weaving the great fabric of my future out of the shards of my past..

I am nothing, and I am everything...I just am.

Life is just one ambiguous mystery..life is so beautiful.


In the last few months I have had soo many deep psychedelic experiences through my relationship with entheogenic tryptamines..experiences that have reached into the greatest depths of my soul..slowly picking away at the pieces that dont seem to fit, reminding me who I have been and revealing who I can be..

I have taken so many of these journeys in such a small space of time lately that i feel I live in it..that place is as much a part of me as "this" place..I fully understand now how the shaman sees..how they live..

Ever read true hallucinations? Remember Dennis?..starting to feel like that..

When I go into public I feel a great level of disconnect..I have gone off into the deep end..yet noone follows..I see people..so closed off. So uptight, full of fear..radiating hate and dispare..walking blindly with no direction..unsure of every move they make..overly cautious and full of worry..lacking the ability to see the sacredness of this dance we are all doing..actors in a play that have forgot that it is just that.

The integration is beginning now..I can feel it..I can see it..something needs to change..I cant survive like this.

I have been attempting to tell everyone..to open them up..I cant stand the level of suppression I see..I want people to know..but noone cares about something they cannot see..something they reach out for and cant seem to find.

I feel overly empathic...everyting seems to get to me lately..the smallest little things..I just dont want to compromise myself to the glass prison..the hive mind seems to demand it.

I cant tell now that I have not integrated these things into my life the way that is necessary...this is not the amazon...this is a large city in the centre of western civilization...

Waking up every morning from the depths of hyperspace the night before and trying to simply carry that over into this world is dman hard thing to do..and makes for a loney road..a path not to many people take. I am done telling people..you cannot straight up tell people these things..it never translates well..there are better ways to deal with the message, and do the work that this path entails.

This is not about partying..getting as tripped out as possible at the latest trance party, or smaking mad weed all day long in some dingy basement and going nowehere...This is about being a warrior...

It is about the light..realizing how to see it..feel it and recognise it in all situations..it is about love and what it REALLY means..

To truely walk the path is to be warrior of your own life, to be your own path finder..and to never put on the mask that someone else paints for you. When we walk any pathother than our own all that happens is we end up chasing a down a trail of psychological and spiritual make up..constantly trying to getsome sort of relief from that which is NOT us..we find brief moments of relief but never truely are content..

Always be you.

Ayahuasca has taught me soo much..and still has worlds of knowledge to show me...she knows me better than any of the others..when I drink with her I feel I am drinking in the essence of true knowledge..the being behind the mask.

Ayahuasca wants us to be us..to be warriors..to carry the torch of light into the world with us eachand every day and to be strong..to not succumb to fear..to stand up tall and have faith. We can create a better world.

Nothing leaves me feeling so full..so vibrant..ayahusca makes me want to live..and to live a great life..to have adventures and see the good in every sense possible..she wants us to be happy and to love the earth..to love each other unconditionally..each and every one of us is sacred..never forget that.

Ayahuasca is my path. She just fits for me..and I want to properly integrate her teaching into every aspect of my life..with respect and with love..with light.

To me that means less frequency and deeper ceremonies..one big ceremony every week or 2...all night ceremonies..always putting the proper ammount of time aside to work with her..a magical night of ayahuasca, and changa and vilca if needed..and spend the rest of the week taking all of that knowledge into this realm..to share with others..with everyone. To take the other days to spend more time meditating and learning to work with dreams..and focussing on diet..my body is a temple..a gift from god and gift from the earth..that should be treated properly with respect..to learn to be more compassionate and patient with others in their journey and help them to see..but never force it or become impatient..to never loose sight of the light.

I want to go out and live life..and see as much as I can. I want to be fulfilled and be the best person I can and fall in love and go do all the things I dream of doing..ayahuasca has shown me that..and that I can do anything I want to..we all can..we can do anything.

i feel lucky to know you
shine on forever you fucking crazy diamond

Beautifully said fractal!

Really wonderful post fractal! Thank you for sharing. Almost had my eyes watering at a few points there. I will reread this tomorrow during a journey with a friend.



This made me think of a couple quotes I had underlined while reading Pihkal recently, hope you enjoy:

I remembered my mother telling me that there is a basic rule in spiritual matters: never offer what the other person hasn't asked for. Her phrase was, "Wait until you get the question before you volunteer the answer." (117)

My hope is that, here and there, someone with a good mind - and heart - uses one of these tools and perhaps begins to understand something he didn't understand before. (15

I didn't try to persuade her, because that's one thing that must never be done - ever. It's not a decision that can be made by one person for another. (161)

well said fractal! beautiful.

SWIM has yet to actually experiment with aya. he wants to and needs to at some point fairly soon. stay tuned for threads inquiring how to do it right, make the concoction, etc (although I'm sure its all here if I poke around a bit)...

namaste

Sameonldsomgam, thanks for those quotes!..lots of wisdom there!

But it's not enough to "see", isn't it?

No seeing is just the beginning of the journey...seeing is about realizing avenues..different paths we can choose to take...once you are able to see you realize that you can choose love...and begin to slowly learn to weave that into everyday life and share it with everyone else.

Did you learn to do this ..and if so: How?
I just started to make certain developements...no...i don't "make" them, they rather happen. But it feels like I'm a germinating seed rather than a strong tree and sometimes it feels like the world is forcing me away from my path.

Was there a point in your life, where a switch got switched? I had this once....and I suddenly couldn't access a certain negative realm no more. It seemed ridiciolous to me.

After a stron experience, I walked the streets kept wondering. "It's funny how I'm beeing alone, "that noone loves me" while I know that I'm beeing loved by the source and that not one girl can see it"

And now I see, that experiencing love through direct transmission and accepting it ...is not the same. But still I make progress....but don't we have to reach a point in our developement were we love ourselves to give love to others...`?

I mean, love isn't something that'S lost if given away...the opposite is true. But still, there are times, where it's hard to spread it...or to even feel it.

Does it go away? Can we integrate the vision so deeply into our daily live that spreading love becomes a permanent possibility?

Well its been building for about 5 years since I found mushrooms..but really one experience that stands out was about 9 months ago now with ayahuasca where I met a woman in my visions and she sort of showed me a mirror reflection of myself that was the way I had been viewing myself..thn she sort of unraveled all of the stuff that I had put on that was really not me at all but pieces of other people..if that makes sense..and I saw myslef for nothing other than me..and it was beautiful and liberating..and everytime I think about that journey all of it comes right back..

Now I recently came back to ayahuasca and have had a good handful of spie breakthroughs in the last while, and lots of vilca experiences, it all seems to be weaving together into a bigger picture..and I think its the caapi vine that is facilitating that..even in my dreams something has changed..like there is a connection now that is growig stronger and stronger..like a part of me is rooted in that place..

I have a long way to go still..its not like I walk around feeling like buddha all day..but i can easily tell when I am slipping downwards into negativity and I have this sort of safety net now or something that kicks in and reminds me that there is always light..

"After a stron experience, I walked the streets kept wondering. "It's funny how I'm beeing alone, "that noone loves me" while I know that I'm beeing loved by the source and that not one girl can see it"

yes I know what you mean..thats why I say that this path is sort of a lonely road..

i stand beside you my brother. we ARE warriors. we walk a lonely path and the air is certainly "thinner higher up", but there IS a community of warriors all dedicated to the conscious evolution of human kind. we are here. I am here.

don't be overwhelmed by the task ahead....avalokiteshvara himself wept a sea of tears waiting for humanity to all reach enlightenment....and FROM those tears, the two Tara's sprung forth to help. keep doing YOUR work brother. YOU are the difference. others will spring forth to help. others, perhaps, HERE on this righteous forum.

this growing business ain't gonna just go away...

very poignant, beautiful post my dear brother. you voice is heard deep in the souls of all who read your words. deep gratitude for that!

L&G!!

"Ordinary men hate solitude.
But the sage makes use of it,
embracing his aloneness, realizing
he is at one with the whole universe."

Really, the taoist way is the same as the psychedelic way. The more i read about taoism, the more i realize this.
The masters (sage) have been here before. And they wrote it all down...

for us to find