last night i made some mistakes and i have been punished/educated. i wanted to share my experience so here i am.

i was drunk, stoned and in a bad mood. most people including me would say that was a bad time to do DMT, but i slipped up and my judgement was off.

i often smoke a mild amount of EL when i go to bed at night, but last night i decided i wanted to go deeper, so i put my regular amount of EL in the pipe then tried to weigh a small amount of freebase to go on top of that, but the scales would not register anything (will be investigating that today), so i just eyeballed a small amount. i then tried to melt it into the EL but a piece of leaf set on fire, which made me think i must have burned a load. not wanting to be disappointed i eyeballed another small amount and put that on top then sprinkled a little more EL on top to sandwich the freebase.

i should have recognised at this point that i was making an error, i am never this disrespectful of the molecule, but i was drunk and boisterous and for some reason thought a strong trip might cheer me up. i knew it was strong, but i had no idea how strong.

i laid in bed next to my partner (already asleep), propped my pillows up and started my usual routine (smoke half a joint, smoke the DMT, then reflect on my experience while i smoke the rest of the joint). it took 2 tokes to finish the bowl, before i had even blown out my second i knew i was in for a ride.
i barely remember blowing it out and the room started to dismantle itself with everything opening up and tearing apart.
i think at this point i realised what i had done and started to fight it, which i believe is the biggest mistake i made out of the quickly mounting list of mistakes i made. usually at this point i would close my eyes, sit back, and enjoy the journey, but instead i seemed to try to stay grounded.
parts of the room were being thrown around the place and destroyed and rebuilt all over the place at extremely high speeds. it was all so fast and overwhelming i just could not comprehend what was going on.
something else happened after that involving an entity but i cant remember what. all i remember is where in the room it was. that was another weird thing about it, it all happened in my room, i did not go anywhere.

after the blackout section i remembered who i was and where, and that i had done DMT, but i was still stuck in this chaotic scene where everything was being destroyed and rebuilt at extremely high speeds. at that point i started to think it was not going to end.
i thought to myself "i have done DMT. this will feel like a long time but it is not. it WILL end, just be patient". but it did not end, it felt like hours.
eventually i started to think something might be wrong because i was not coming out of it (classic mistake i have read about many times in other peoples reports). so i called my partners name. i knew there was movement in the direction she was in so i knew she sat up and i just said "i need help".
she knows me well enough to know exactly what had happened and she did the exact right thing, she held me and made me feel safe. it was exactly what i needed to show me that i was not gone forever.
slowly things started to return to normal. at first i could not look at my partners face because it would tear her apart and put her features in weird places, but i knew it was just another minute or so to go.

once i was completely back and trying to piece everything together (just had a mental image of me trying to put the things in the room back together after they were torn apart ) my partner told me that earlier on in the trip i had sat upright, woke her up and told her to "time this". i do not remember that. i guess it was at the point where i realised i was tripping and it would feel like a long time. apparently it was 15 minutes between those points so the trip was slightly more than that. thats pretty long, but it felt like hours and hours!

looking back i know everything i did wrong. it was the scariest experience of my life, not because of the visuals necessarily, but because of the feelings that came with it, most of all the feeling that it was never going to end.
i will not be treating DMT with such disregard again, but for some reason there is a part of me that is extremely happy that i got to experience it. it was amazingly wonderful in a scary way.

it is going to take me a while to integrate this. i am thinking about taking a break for a while, maybe a month or so, at least a few days to see how i feel. i need time to get my head around it.
i just wish there were words to describe it all better than the ones available, and i really wish i could remember what happened in the void with the unknown entity. maybe there is a good reason why i forgot that.



thanks for reading. i hope this can help others avoid making the same mistakes i did. there are plenty of mistakes to choose from in this story!

safe travels psychonaughts! <3

Ugh, reading your report makes me shiver! Reminds me of the times I was stupid and vaped in an uncomfortable situation. That feeling of the world falling to pieces around you, as you realize you aren't ready to trip right now... Yikes. It's like the purest form of fear; just pierces your soul from all sides.

While there's something to learn from every trip, I have to admit I'm a little scared of the molecule

thanks for reading.
i agree the molecule can be very scary, even before this experience, in fact, even before i had any negative experiences at all it was often a little scary going in.
that is why it should be treated with respect, which is something that seemed to slip my mind last night.

i imagine the pre-launch nerves are going to be stronger than ever next time i dose. it might even take me a few bail outs to get there. should be interesting.

Classic hyperslap! Thanks for sharing. I think part of getting older or more experienced with these things is knowing when not to trip just as much as when to. I can relate to the description of everything being destoyed and rebuilt at speed.

I wonder if maybe the joint had anything to do with it?

I for one have almost given up on THC completely for years now, just wasnt for me, but found out it can elevate your dosages.

So wanting to attempt, and learned the hard way to not mix with psychedelics recently.

I been experimenting heavily with acid and no issues, spacing out close to 700ug+ doses, mixing with DMT and shrooms, etc. No issues.

One day I took 440ug, smoked a good sized bowl, and that was it. Beyond traumatic experience.

I had complete ego dissolution, where I could not even formulate or even structure words let alone sentences in my mind, I felt like I was dead and stuck in an infinite loop in time, I was a zombie barely walking around stumbling and crashing into things, pure fear as I relived in my mind drowning as a child that I didnt realize I was still holding onto as some past trauma, and so much more.

NEVER again will I take THC with any of these substances. I don't know if with DMT it effects it the same way and honestly too scared to even consider finding out.

Just wanted to chime in my 2c on what couldve happened, because I had smoked back to back close to good quality 150+mg, never had any sense of fear but always pure absolute loving embraces. Also, im not as experienced as others, so take this with a grain of salt.

Thanks for sharing

I have only vaped DMT with weed in my system and the one time i was sober was my only bad trip.
Couldn´t imagine any psycedelic without a lil Mary to calm me down.
But it definetly makes trips stronger.
Pedro i think it was the alcohol,too much DMT and bad mindstate.

Stay safe and have a gud one

Hi OP

You explained yourself beautifully.

I don't know what EL is? But for me weed just gives me anxiety and ruins any other substance I ever used it with. And alcohol just makes me confused and unable to understand whats going on.

I know exactly what you mean about DMT taking everything apart and then putting it back together better and as it should be. To me, with my eyes open it makes things go like an exploded diagram and then reassemble, it takes curves and stretches them out in front of me and makes them square instead , to me it's fixing ordinary reality and is reassuring. But that's just me.

Glad in your story that you have someone to come in when you need them and just give you a hug.

Thanks for sharing

i do hear reports of weed having a negative effect on peoples trips, but i dont think its the case this time.
i smoke weed every day and have done for almost all of the last 15-20 years, so its affect on me is pretty mild. it has been a part of every trip i have ever been on, at least, i cant remember ever tripping without it. i always smoke before and during my trips (not during with DMT of course) and it has never had a negative effect. that doesnt mean it wasnt the weed though, but if it was it is a very unique event for me.
i think it was probably a combination to be honest, the weed certainly wouldnt have helped matters thats for sure, particularly mixed with alcohol!

im glad you knew what i meant by it while writing it i wasnt sure if it was descriptive enough (no words are with DMT!).

its such a crazy thing to witness. i have seen it before on happier trips and it was fine, it didnt even feel overwhelming, just interesting. but it felt so intense this time! and so fast!

same here with the weed. i have heard it can prolong trips too, but i have never set a sober baseline so cant gauge that for myself. i annoy myself when im not stoned, i get too hyperactive, so its unlikely i will try it any time soon.
i have smoked DMT on amps lots of times and i sometimes get stuck in thought loops, which is not a pleasant experience, although i wouldnt call it a bad trip, just a more confusing one. my guess is without weed it would probably be a similar experience. maybe i should try it some time, i might even love it!

EL means enhanced leaf, which is basically changa but without any MAOIs in the mix.
https://wiki.dmt-nexus.me/Changa
in this case it was weed leaves as the leaf (probably no THC content). the ratio was supposed to be 2:1 leaf to DMT, but i had a spillage while making it so i dont actually know the strength. i have smoked that mix a few times now and if i was to guess i would say it was probably closer to 3:1 or 4:1, so not very strong on its own.

as i mentioned in my reply to others above, i smoke weed so regularly that it is basically my normal state, so i dont get any anxiety from it, and i have never tripped without it that i can remember.
i also drink far more alcohol than i would like to, but that night i had drank a lot more than i normally do and i would definitely class myself as drunk at the time so i definitely think you are right about that one! and confusion is definitely one of the emotions i would list as one that stood out at the time!
dont drink and fly kids!

i love reading your take on the deconstruction and reconstruction! i have never thought about the idea of it being rebuilt into a superior form before. i will try to keep that mindset next time i witness that happening. i wish they would make their mind up what they want that form to be though and stop changing the plan! measure twice, cut once, machine elves!

i am also SO glad to have had somebody there! i think if i was on my own i would have been in there a lot longer. i do not usually have a sitter, even though i recommend as a must for others so that timing could definitely have been worse!

thank you all for taking the time to read and for the reassuring replies! <3

thought i should share my latest thoughts on the matter too.
while writing the OP i said i was going to take a break for probably about a month. it is now only 3 days later and i think i am ready again. maybe tonight i will start low again and see how it goes.
it reminds me of a meme somebody posted here. i have to go try to find that now and add it to the post!


thank you all for the messages <3

edit:
i found the meme. thank you @jagube for this laugh