Returning to childhood Options
#1 Posted : 6/3/2020 1:57:41 PM
DMT-Nexus member

Posts: 100
Joined: 26-Apr-2020
Last visit: 30-May-2021
Location: DE
(mind)Set: Spontaneous, focused, driven
(physical condition) Set: fit
Setting (location): My own 4 walls
time of day: Intake at around 18:45
recent drug use: Light MHRB tea + Rue 5 days prior
last meal: 4 Hours ago ; 12:30~

Gender: m
body weight: 85kg +-5kg
known sensitivities: None so far
history of use: Fourth time


Substance(s): MHRB Tea Syrian Rue
Dose(s): MHRB Tea 75 ml Syrian Rue Tea made out of 3g of Seeds
Method of administration: Oral


Administration time: T=0:00 Intake Syrian Rue
T=0:20 Intake MHRB Tea
Duration: 6-8 Hours
First effects: Elevated self-awareness, nausea sets in, I lay down roughly 30 minutes later with the goal of keeping the brew inside, successful
Peak: T=2:00-5:00
Come down:T=5:00-8:00
Baseline:I would say I came back to my "normal" baseline only 4 days later

Intensity (overall): 2
Evaluation / notes:

Pleasantness: 3
Unplesantness: 1
Visual Intensity: 1


Hangover: 0
Afterglow: I'd say 4 days


I spontaneously decide, against my usual ritual, to do this all on a Thursday evening, knowing full well I will work the next day, and that I've already had a hearty meal earlier.
It just felt like the right time, like a instinctive call towards working the self.

I partake to chat with the folks here, and at some point the experience starts weighing heavily on the nausea side, so I lay down.

After a while, the nausea subsedes and I see the walls moving and patterning in organic flows, like under a microscope mixed with a kaleidoscope and landscape, no colors though.

As I close my eyes and focus, I relive past childhood experiences, and remember traumatic things.

The mindset changes, and I learn "No matter what, only I decide what can hurt me"

So I play around with this, I envision being set upon by hundreds of spiders crawling upon my body (In my childhood I was a great fan of spiders and liked to know and catch them all the time, and present them to my aunt, to her and her friend's dismay when a cheerful kid shows up with a bunch of spiders in a bottle)

The spiders have no effect, I then set upon different violent scenarios, also no effect.

I return to remembering, and I remember that I was sexually abused by the neighbor's teenage son not only in a mild fashion, but also with penetration.

As I think on this, I learn that most of my views I carry with me, are tacked on, not of my choosing, realizing that the only thing that makes an experience bad, is our own perspective, I reject the idea of my childhood experiences having any power over me.

I conflated what society thinks and values, with my own ideas and values.

Julius Evola was right, now I understand what he meant by "Being is superior to becoming"

Continuing, I am very energetic now, and start shadowboxing, looking at myself in the mirror in the dark, and enjoying seeing what stares back at me.

As the energy surge subsides, I lay down again and relive many other childhood memories.

Beyond this, there is nothing of value to share to others, certain things should certainly not be shared Very happy

Thanks for reading, regardless.

Good quality Syrian rue (Peganum harmala) for an incredible price!
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