Hi!
I've been browsing the Nexus for several years and finally decided to join. My first DMT experience was in the spring of 2012, and my first STB tek was that summer. I've been intermittently exploring since then with certain periods of time being more psychedelically filled than others.
I thought I'd make my introductory essay about my experience last week...
Over the past 5 years, my alcohol intake has dramatically increased - in frequency and volume. It increased to the point that my loved ones have become concerned and I have noticed it interfering with my success and ambition. This was addressed in August of this year, and I've been struggling to manage it since then.
Last Thursday I decided to do some soul searching. So, naturally, I locked myself in a room with my laptop for music, about a gallon of water, 1 gram of MDMA, 3.5g of mushrooms, and a half gram of DMT.
I started off by chowing down some of the shrooms and chasing the meal with some molly water at about 8 PM. The exact amount consumed was unknown, but I have a fairly good eye for safe dosing. I turned on some music (Tool, Deftones, and some EDM). The room I was in was very comfortable and carpeted, the office in my home with a desk and bookshelves, and I was curled up on the floor with a very nice blanket. I thought for a long while about a lot of things. I drifted off into my own world with my eyes closed for about 3 hours. I was really, really enjoying myself. A lot went on in my mind during this time, but that's not precisely what I mean to write about.
I consumed some more magic around 11:30 PM and held the DMT in my hands - it was in a 5ml glass vial. I knew what was coming and was VERY excited for it, but I wanted to wait some time for the second dosage I had taken to kick in completely. It was about 12:15 AM that I turned off the music so that I was in complete silent darkness (with little ambient light). I have a small glass pipe "spoon" that I have as my designated DMT pipe. I loaded it with a small amount of marijuana, tapped the vial over it and sprinkled as much DMT into the bowl as an optimistic person on molly and shrooms would. I think it was a lot.
I took some deep breaths, rolled over onto my stomach so I was laying flat on the floor in my cozy blanket, and began to melt the crystals into the plant matter. First hit - check. I held my breath, then exhaled and took the second hit. The bowl became cherried and I could feel the ice in my throat. Second hit - check. I brought the flame to the bowl once more until there was nothing left in the bowl, set the bowl down, and lay flat on my stomach with my chin resting on my crossed arms looking into the carpet. Third hit - check.
It's hard to say exactly what happened next in terms of consecutive events. I remember thinking to myself that it wasn't working or was very mild, but this was while I was still holding my breath from the third hit. As I exhaled the entire shadowy room started to flash brightly and curled up into a tunnel around me and I closed my eyes. I remember being immersed in impossible geometry, brilliant colors, and then I was there.
I was somewhere. I think my eyes were still closed, I don't think it really mattered whether they were or weren't. In this place, all of the impossible geometry that I was previously moving through took the form of a singular object and I was outside of it. This object was being held by long, grey slender hands (like grey aliens). White lights flowed through the skin down the arms and into the hands like current flowing through a circuit, flowing towards the object. I never saw the face of these creatures but there were many of them. As I watched the pair of hands holding the object as if displaying it for the other beings in this space, one word came to mind - AUCTION - although I have come to not take this word so literally in this context.
What I was looking at can be described with an analogy. The way fish are to an aquarium, the way a lizard or turtle is to a terrarium --- consciousness was the life form inside of this object, and the object was the raw material of our physical universe, multiverse, whatever. Consciousness of humans, dogs, animals, all life that has any form of consciousness that exists in our physical realm that we are either aware of or unaware of. Consciousness, OUR collective consciousness, was the fish of the God terrarium.
Then they saw me. And the vision went blank. I don't think I was supposed to see that.
Out of the blackness, an "arrow" that had both enormous and infintesimal thickness and density, was not of any sort of euclidian or even differential geometry began to rise up from faaaar away. It grew up and forward with tremendous intent. I could see this thing growing, I could feel this thing climbing up from the center of my spinal chord up my neck into my brain, I could smell it (smelled like good ol' DMT), and then I heard it.
Music started out of the silence! It was a cocktail of super syncopated, intricate dubstep and heavy electro music with heavy metal, scream-o, and wicked guitar sweeps and drum licks, hybrid personalized music for me. A blend of my favorite noise. And the lyrics of this music greeted me by name, screamed in a voice like the singer from All That Remains: "WWWHHHAAAATTTTSSSSSS UUUPPPPP AAAADDDDDAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMM?!?!?!!" ... I knew this was an encounter. Alien abduction. What the fuck. I quickly recognized it. This intelligence has tried to communicate with me before on previous DMT trips, but I missed the opportunity. I quickly stammered in my mind "HELLO!" It replied in a high pitch, digital, super fucking alien voice "HELLO!" and we were both very, very, very happy to be with each other. Even typing this right now, recalling it, my hands are trembling.
It told me 2 things: "Cut the bullshit." and "Parents."
Cut the bullshit: Drinking in the fashion that I have been, hiding bottles of vodka around the house, drinking and driving, and lying to my fiance about my drinking, doing sub-par work and procrastinating so that I can get fucked up. Done. Stop it. Cut the bullshit.
Parents: This lesson is a little more personal so I'll stop discussing it there.
Back to the trip. The conversation that I was having with this entity was in such a hyper speed and dimension, communicating through all five of my senses and more, that it was simply hard to keep up. After it said what it needed to say and my mind began to wander, it slipped away the same way it had arrived - down my spine, out of my vision, the sound faded, and I felt a little drop of water fall out of my nose. I thought to myself "Fuck! No! Not yet, wait, wait!" but it never does. As I began to come down from the trip the visual activity and time-warp was still very strong. I always get the feeling of "I just time traveled" on the comedown, but never as strong as this. The comedown of the DMT lasted for probably 20 minutes, and the MDMA and mushrooms were active until about 4 AM.
Looking back at it all now, in regards to the God Terrarium that I saw, AUCTION was the word that came to mind, like our realm was an object being auctioned amongst the Gods, but I think APPRAISAL might have been more accurate. Maybe our Creator was taking inventory, maybe I'm not comfortable with the fact that our Creator is passing us along to another, maybe he was showing other Creators what he has made... Either way, we need to step up and prove our worth.
Cheers
