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Need help with the fear Options
 
observe
#1 Posted : 1/18/2020 9:18:20 PM
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My last 2 breakthroughs have been rough and I seek the communities advice. I'll start with 2 detailed reports.

My second to last breakthrough I ingested 150ug of lsd at noon and went to a concert with my friends T and J, returning to my campsite after 10pm I took 100mg harmaline/harman with my friend T. 1hour after taking the maoi we started vaping changa out of a cvg. With eyes closed I was in a green tile room with soft indirect lighting that extended forever and there was a pink scarf running from the center of the floor to right and left corners of the ceiling. Their folds would depict flowers or it would briefly look like the scarf was held against a beautiful womens face. I then opened my eyes feeling blessed and grateful. I turned the changa in the bowl because I expected more force than that tasteful reassurance I now find myself pursuing. I took 1 hit thinking the 3 of us had finished it, held it in for 20seconds. When I exhaled everything crystallized into blinding light and the carrier wave was all I could sense. An entity danced from the left into my vision he was incredibly hyperactive, he looked and joked like a jester but I knew it was something infinitely wise. Felt like getting abducted by an alien who documented the whole universe and more only to upload 100% of it directly into me. It was in the bottom right side of my vision and anytime I looked at it, it would split into 2 identical copies of itself until eventually it was endless and all around me shouting at me in hyperactive tongues in unison. Every second felt like an entire lifetime I would get born live a life die see the jester he'd divide endlessly then say 1 word and I would be reborn and live a new life totally convinced it was real because it felt like hundreds of days. I was translating the jesters tongues he was saying "find my brand. Find me." While showing me sculptures and machines as examples. Just 1 machine or sculpture per word. He was inside of an infinite palace like fractal structure that seemed to be made up of copies of himself stacking like acrobats. The whole experience felt simultaneous as far as chronology goes. Something i did not experience after the flash was the jesters gibberish triggering deja vu to me waking up from nightmares as a really young child in cold sweats. It was how they made it clear they knew me. I did not sleep.

My last breakthrough I took 150ug lsd early in the morning, once I peaked I took 750mg aniracetam and 200mg mdma, once I peaked on everything I took 1 large rip of dmt and held for 20 seconds. I dont remember exhaling the flash happened the exact same way it did in the previous report everything was the same, same jesters, same language, same message, same reincarnation, same experience. The exact same thing is happening to me that happened weeks earlier which is strange because i've never had that happen with dmt. This time there are 2 sober people observing me and one of them says "he's not ok." The jesters turn to me and say "we know you dont know who we are. But you fucked with dmt so we will take everything from you." They said this once. Then in silence I watched the jesters enter the real world take all me and my friends furniture and clothing then they loaded us onto a convoy. They drove the convoy onto a huge ship and travelled deep into space they started chanting their mantra again and I died of neglect on the passenger floor of a vehicle. When I died white light flooded my vision like the initial flash and I associated the initial flash with this death before it happened when my friend said "he's not ok." I thought it was a flashback to before I died of neglect and we all got abducted.

Dmt has been the most useful tool of them all for me personally but I havent been able to breakthrough since. I see the beauty and value in these experiences now and when they occured but I cant get past 2 tokes anymore without worrying about my expectations influencing the following experience. I really miss travelling. I want to make my peace with the jesters and visit them more because nothing has captivated me like they have but I fear this may be impossible. Any tips for reducing the fear? I usually use harmaline to breakthrough in 1 hit so I dont have to think about it harmaline also behaves kind of like a shepherd. Since these experiences even on harmaline I cannot bring myself to breakthrough.
 

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dragonrider
#2 Posted : 1/18/2020 9:54:32 PM

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Maybe you haven't been able to breakthrough because you did not fully integrate these experiences yet.
 
FranLover
#3 Posted : 1/18/2020 10:54:53 PM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


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My dear friend these are amazing voyages you have imparted on. Very beautiful imagery and very deep meaning. Have you pierced through its meaning? If not, give it time. Thats a lot of substance use in a very short time frame and the body has its definite limits. Practice meditation with Anapanasati and mantain that state throughout the day, this will aid in integrating the experience...If you are in this for the long run, taking time off is a must, no going around it.
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
Achilles
#4 Posted : 1/18/2020 11:00:34 PM

I is the obstacle.


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I’d suggest taking some time off. I had a couple difficult experiences that led to some bad anxiety or paranoia or whatever you wanna call it.., I eventually fixed it by just taking some time off and letting those difficult experiences fade out of my memories some so my brain wouldn’t jump to those intrusive thoughts immediately. Each person handles this problem in their own way ime so I can’t promise it will help one way or another but it worked for me 👍 hope it helps observe.
This guys ego ^
 
observe
#5 Posted : 1/19/2020 3:24:10 AM
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I've waited 5 months. Physically,mentally, and financially I'm the most stable I've ever been. My first ayahuasca trip was 4 years ago I didnt measure my cup and unwittingly took an oz of mimosa and a half oz of weaker rue. 4 years later I would not be the least bit suprised to suddenly learn I'm still just trapped in the first 5 seconds of that experience. Time is a factor but theres a deeper acceptance of the experience I want to cultivate. In relation to what I've seen on dmt my entire life is really insignificant, I cant forget it but it reassures me. I've been very cautious to never allow tolerance to build to psychedelics because I'm very careful about wasting none. Did you guys pickup on any messages I may need to integrate?
 
FranLover
#6 Posted : 1/24/2020 6:45:20 AM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


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observe wrote:
I've waited 5 months. Physically,mentally, and financially I'm the most stable I've ever been. My first ayahuasca trip was 4 years ago I didnt measure my cup and unwittingly took an oz of mimosa and a half oz of weaker rue. 4 years later I would not be the least bit suprised to suddenly learn I'm still just trapped in the first 5 seconds of that experience. Time is a factor but theres a deeper acceptance of the experience I want to cultivate. In relation to what I've seen on dmt my entire life is really insignificant, I cant forget it but it reassures me. I've been very cautious to never allow tolerance to build to psychedelics because I'm very careful about wasting none. Did you guys pickup on any messages I may need to integrate?


Yes I pick up on something; look into what is known in the Eightfold Path as Rightview and try to understand what it means. When one cultivatess a rightview and a rightway of living one will deeply accept and integrate the experience cause you will look at the experience with rightview, which ultimatley grants inner peace and fufilment. For this maintain mindfulness throughout the day, and integration shall ocurr.

Btw, what did you see? And how did it make you feel?
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
observe
#7 Posted : 2/5/2020 11:56:47 AM
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My introductory trip report speaks about my first aya trip (https://www.dmt-nexus.me/forum/default.aspx?g=posts&t=79030&find=unread). I felt objective, and I saw a prehistoric jungle when I was not breaking through at the crest of each wave. I only remember the first breakthrough in which I turned to dust and my energy was recycled into an alien society. My aya trip was more integrated since it was 7 hours. Physically it felt like electrocution. After I came down I did 4 months worth of work I had been putting off in 1 day and ive maintained that ethic because of how grateful ayahuasca made me of the priviledge to participate in life.
 
FranLover
#8 Posted : 2/9/2020 11:23:04 PM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


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Quote:
After returning the mandalas depth and intricacy had increased dramatically so I decided to turn the lights off to increase the intensity. At which point the air became dense with fractal patterns of color I cant describe and incredible flowers and fauna burst through holes that were not holes in the fractals and grew to my ceiling. I was in the center of a primeval world the dinosaurs of aliens foraging killing and seducing each other all around me.


Oh my God Shocked

Anyway I´m glad to hear that the experience made you more appreciative of life. Sounds to me like the medicine did a good job working in you. These are very sacred plants...
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
tatt
#9 Posted : 2/10/2020 12:23:24 AM
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observe wrote:
Any tips for reducing the fear?


The fear ime lessens overtime, but it's always there. It's healthy to have a little fear or trepidation I think. It can be an extremely powerful boundary dissolver, it's a powerful experience when you hit it on the money. A little fear is good.



 
Tony6Strings
#10 Posted : 2/10/2020 5:26:40 AM

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Having amazing breakthrough experiences will help. The fear never really goes away, but you become more and more ready and willing to face it in order to access these experiences.
olympus mon wrote:
You need to hit it with intention to get where you want to be!

"We have arrived at truth, and now we find truth is a mystery- a play of joy, creation, and energy. This is source. This is the mystic touchstone that heals and renews. This is the beginning again. This is entheogenic." -Nicholas Sand
 
FranLover
#11 Posted : 2/11/2020 4:51:34 AM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


Posts: 1299
Joined: 24-Sep-2018
Last visit: 07-Apr-2020
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with no fear courage wouldnt exist
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
observe
#12 Posted : 2/20/2020 1:14:15 PM
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I returned 2 fridays ago. 2 days before breaking through again I did 1mg/lb of ketamine and had an hour of unbroken meditation during the peak. I became a humming and I asked it to help cure my aversion to dmt. My perception of the khole then went from womblike to foreign briefly enough for me to realise the objectivity. Not a new message but a welcome reminder. The next friday I took 7g dry bridgesii green flesh and 750mg aniracetam to finish some artwork then later in the evening I decided to take 1 hit of dmt to help inspire me to finish architecture I was drawing. After exhaling my hit every surface began to shimmer and compound in detail it felt like I was bouncing off the walls then I arrived in hyperspace. I was in a castle that had more gothic/cathedral type architecture and was predominantly violet,yellow,maroon, and mahogany. I was traveling down long halls with ornate rugs and on either side of the rug women of black/yellow or black/violet checkerboard danced. Then I turned off the hall into a spiral staircase and I was being pulled backwards up the stairs but looking down the stairs like I was floating above them. The women were on the stairs looking up at me saying "do not forget what we are showing you.". I then returned and realised the only colored pencils I had out were violet,yellow,and red something that did not consciously register prior. So I took the hint and drew what I could remember. This breakthrough made me eager to return. Thank you all for your help.
 
 
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