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Enleyetener
#1 Posted : 12/11/2019 2:49:07 AM
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has anyone else had any exerience kicking sex addiction or sexual obsessions via before? don't judge, I know I have ISSUES Rolling eyes just dont know if its my age or if maybe resetting my neural pathways via psilocybin with the right intention might work? Its like all I ever think about anytime im out in public, its actually pretty fucked up
 

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FranLover
#2 Posted : 12/11/2019 1:15:45 PM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


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Lots of concentration, growth, and experience--the only way out is through.

Just let go. All those desires, expectations, ambition, needs, they are soo heavy a burden to carry...just let them fall off, see how much lighter you feel.
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
OneIsEros
#3 Posted : 12/11/2019 1:48:01 PM
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This is the most ancient record of the Buddha’s words on this subject:

https://www.accesstoinsi...taka/mn/mn.020.soma.html
 
Cactus Man
#4 Posted : 12/11/2019 5:33:37 PM
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Enleyetener wrote:
has anyone else had any exerience kicking sex addiction or sexual obsessions via before? don't judge, I know I have ISSUES Rolling eyes just dont know if its my age or if maybe resetting my neural pathways via psilocybin with the right intention might work? Its like all I ever think about anytime im out in public, its actually pretty fucked up


Ive been working on reducing my own sexual obsessions quite a bit lately.

I find for me its 99% related to my exposure to it all, my problem is with pornography which has absolutely flooded modern western culture.

In order to combat this I do everything I can to avoid porn and I dont allow myself to ponder it internally either.

Its not easy but you just need to get yourself away from it all, plant yourself in a pot away from it all.

No-fap truly has helped me a lot lately.

Ive been celibate for a few years now on top of that and dont plan to change that anytime soon.
 
Enleyetener
#5 Posted : 12/12/2019 2:38:05 AM
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That was a very helpful message! Thanks so much i never thought about it that way! I think you're right, theres nothing wrong with having the thoughts i do, its just my reactions to the thoughts i need to take control of. My BPD plays a large role
I also think no porn has got to be a good move across the board, speaking to you guys helped me resolidify that fact in my mind. I think that'll be my first move before nofap.

I have in-fact become bitter and mysogynistic but that happened earlier around 18 or 19 maybe younger, also relates to my BPD I really struggle with myself and my belief systems. Sometimes i struggle to see women as equals, sometime i struggle to see myself as an equal to them even. VERY conflicted. Im trying to change slowly but surely but its gonna have to take very theraputic trips or trips to "therapy" lol never tried psychiatry before so i guess its worth a shot too.

I like the budhist texts speaking about focusing on a skillful activity or object, to keep the mind from unskillful thoughts, alot. Its refreshing to hear the feedback, I feel much more encouraged now to do face my shadow. I think its more important to do this work before im 25 aswell, while my ego is still forming, aswell as neural connections and pathways. I dont have much longer to clean up my act before things things become physically ingrained in my thought processes lol atleast thats how i see it currently.

So thank you all for your time, attention, and energy!
 
Enleyetener
#6 Posted : 12/13/2019 2:45:02 AM
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a
 
m4estr0
#7 Posted : 2/3/2020 11:57:14 PM

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First of all, while we're young, our bodies have sexual desires, it's is normal and it's useless to make an effort to eliminate them.

What's problematic is sexual thoughts and fantasies arising in unsuited settings, throughout your day. It's tiring, unenjoyable, and disfunctional. The root cause is fear and what keeps you from meeting and waving this fear goodbye, is the virtually unlimited amount of entertainment of our modern age (including but not limited to porn).

It's really helpful to completely abstain from porn. It's an unnatural amount of stimulation. If you must fap, don't be afraid and enjoy it to the fullest. Same for porn if you truly are addicted. If you have no choice, better to enjoy it than to feel guilty, this only adds more layers of confusion. But do everything you can to abstain.

Just keep at it and eventually you will feel a change.
 
Scylla
#8 Posted : 2/4/2020 9:53:09 PM
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Enleyetener wrote:

I like the budhist texts speaking about focusing on a skillful activity or object, to keep the mind from unskillful thoughts, alot.


....Who says sex isn't skillful...Just kidding. Not really. But....I completely understand where this is coming from and it is VERY true. Jerking off and prostitutes are obviously a terrible terrible waste of time. I have only done the former. Both of those things also provide the opportunity to entertain the worst side of yourself. Doing something constructive, like growing some food for yourself, writing poems, playing the guitar, working hard are all much much better ways to spend your time that bring out the best parts of you, rather than the worst.

However, even going out to hook a catch with the intention of using her to satisfy yourself is not good not good either.

There needs to be some level of appreciation for her humanity.

Enleyetener wrote:
I have in-fact become bitter and mysogynistic but that happened earlier around 18 or 19 maybe younger.


Where things get tricky is that

1. Libido is very much tied to how much sex or states of arousal you've been having. I.E. if you are completely celebate getting aroused in the first place might be difficult because you have not created a context for yourself to become aroused in.

2. There are a lot of women, A LOT, who expect to be dominated or controlled in the bedroom. Not all, but I think this is common. This doesn't need to go too far, but for the most part women want guys that can take control. Now, many people might not overthink this the way some people do. For some people, they just feel a gravitational urge to be sexual with someone. Grabbing or slapping certain parts of their body, holding them down etc is just how they get caught up in the moment and enjoy themselves...neither people thinking there is anything wrong with it. Where the line is is really up to her and she will let you know. If you crossed the line and she doesn't tell you she has issues she needs to confront also. This is how abusive relationships start. And being on either side of an abusive relationship is not where anyone should strive to be.

The catch 22 is that it is really difficult to become intimate with someone if you don't have a sexual position. Most young women are out there to have sex, just like you are. If you don't create a sexual context for yourself women will not stick around you as anything more than a friend precisely because they expect to have sex, and good sex. I think I speak the truth that when a woman goes home from the bar with a guy, she would rather have ripping sex that might just be a little bit rough than awkwardly stare at a limp dick thinking she isn't hot/interesting/ enough. If you are too afraid to do something that turns you on because you think it might cross the line it could actually precipitate a negative cycle in which you progressively feel more self conscious, have less self esteem, become more resentful towards women, and as a result become more misogynistic.

So the catch 22 is, the paradox, is that you might actually need to exert the control that makes you feel uncomfortable or misogynistic in order to develop a relationship with someone that precipitates love and affection. Chances are it is something that may only come out during sex and she will totally understand.

That is the best scenario. The best advice I can give, is that when having sex, reach for the women that tickle your mind. The ones that make you laugh. The ones that you respect and the ones that respect you. The thing is you also have to have respect for yourself first.

For people with troubled childhoods this can be extremely difficult.

But there is strength in you and even the worst things can be purged.

There is someone out there who wants to love you and whom you want to love.

Yet another trap is that it is my impression that people, A LOT of people, mistake lust for love. They scramble for what turns them on, and in doing so their sexual partner is nothing but a puppet of their desire. They stay in a relationship because of what they reason they are getting out of it. Instead of loving each other, they are simply using each other because it makes each of their lives easier.

It is up to you to decide what real love is. But you can feel it for everyone and everything; not simply who have sex with.

But because sex is very much tied to receiving pleasure for yourself this is a minefield covered in mines that threaten to sink you to the worst of human nature.

To sum this up and hopefully to make this less complicated. Don't become a rapist; don't become a serial killer rapist. Just take it easy. Don't stress too much. Try to get to know people. Have fun talking to them. Share your fears and vulnerabilities and thoughts. When it comes to having sex, just do what turns you on. She'll appreciate it. The goal is to be having sex with someone who you want to keep hanging out with, not do something that is going to make her never want to talk to you again.

We all have aspects of ourselves that we need to purge. And we can do it. That's why we're here. The fact that we're in these bodies and sex is a part of our existence is just part of the puzzle, part of the lesson, part of the test.

The fact that you're willing to try to discuss this as a good sign. It shows you have the capacity for self judgement.

FranLovers advice was very good.

"Just let go. All those desires, expectations, ambition, needs, they are soo heavy a burden to carry...just let them fall off, see how much lighter you feel."





 
Vexor17
#9 Posted : 2/16/2020 7:06:37 AM

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[quote=OneIsEros]This is the most ancient record of the Buddha’s words on this subject:

https://www.accesstoinsi...aka/mn/mn.020.soma.html[/quote]

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