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Roboto
#1 Posted : 10/10/2019 2:30:45 AM

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Joined: 31-Aug-2019
Last visit: 11-Oct-2019
Location: SWFL
o/, Z3JlZXRpbmdz, Ciao, Konnichiwa, Hallo, Privet, Hola, Bonjour, Olá, Anyoung, Halo, Ahlan, Goddag, Yassas, Namaste, Merhaba, Shalom, Nǐ hǎo, Guten Tag and hello.

I am Roboto. 42, programmer of applications and games. I found my way here while researching DMT out of an interest in personal growth and consciousness exploration. The idea of psychonautics is and always has been intriguing to me, and i hope to build upon my past experiences with psychedelics here on the nexus with the rest of you.

The first time i heard about DMT, I was just out of high school back in the 90s during one of the many LSD trips myself and a close group of friends would embark on as often as we possibly could. I remember a friend telling me that under the influence of DMT a person "trip so thoroughly they would hallucinate an entirely new reality", and that in this reality there were people they referred to as "The Bean People". They went on to tell how the bean people would interact with you and would show you things. The whole episode sounded amazing and terrifying. At the time psychedelics were our thing. Like i said, as much as we possibly could. At first it was mostly LSD and then later, mushrooms. We were all of the same mindset. Find a quiet, secluded but scenic place outside where we could each just relax into the trips and go where they took us. Exploring ourselves as much as the surroundings we placed ourselves in. Taking our first steps into exploring our consciousness as time itself felt like it was expanding around us. And with all the time in the world in front of us, that's what we did. And eventually, time did what it does. It passed. And as it did, slowly but surely our responsibilities grew more important and more numerous. Our lives became more busy and eventually we no longer had the ability to find the times and places to go on our trips anymore. But that was fine. That's how its supposed to be. We couldn't stay there forever. So it ended, and that's ok...Good even. It was all on our own terms, and each of us to this day carry many great memories of a period of our youth awkwardly coping with the effects of substances that had the ability to manifest equal parts; genuine amazement and abject terror. Oh! but alas, in all that time we never did hear about DMT being available through any of our, admittedly sh***y connections.

Fast forward 30ish years. These days I'll often spend my down time playing online games with various other gamers I've met over the years. And it was through one of them that DMT was brought to my attention again. An AVID psychonaut for about 10 years, they explained their experiences, the parts that could be explained anyway, and turned me on to the various people in the psychedelic community im sure you all know, T and D. McKenna, Paul Stamets, Rick Straussman etc.. The idea of it rolled around in my head for a while but I didnt really act on it. I spent a few weeks reading over everything. I digested as much as i could on the subject of DMT. And then I was ready. So, myself and a friend from the old group of psychedelic loving friends hopped on my magic carpet and flew ourselves to a small island planet where DMT is perfectly legal and proceeded to have our first few experiences with DMT over the course of a few weeks.

To start out I tried sub breakthrough doses a few times just to get get a feel for it. On 3 occasions i have attempted higher breakthrough doses. I definitely like where its headed, but I seem to have hit some sort of blockade. Each of the three breakthrough doses all induced a similar occurrence. A very alien, but familiar set of sensations that have the very distinct vibe of a sinister carnival complete with carnies who seem to be taunting me and give me the unmistakable feeling of them being complete jerks. They arent doing anything mean, i just feel like i know that they are untrustworthy, or something like that. I dont travel anywhere and im certain im not breaking through, but the entire episode is as if ive walked blindfolded and ears plugged into the middle of a carnival with all the rides and games running full speed. Fun house, ferris wheel, Gravitron... all of it with the bright flashing and spinning lights, sounds, tones, bells all around me. And all at once i remove the blindfold and earplugs and the entire cacophony of the carnival blasts me in the face. This goes on for a short period of time and then slowly fades, like the carnies packed up and are heading back out of town.

THE. WEIRDEST. THING. EVER.

So I guess I'll end with a question. What the heck!? I have since discovered that there are supposedly clowns that are a common occurrence and that the deeper more meaningful content of DMT lies beyond them. I suppose that must be what im experiencing, but how do i get passed them? Why are they even blocking my entry? The first time it occurred it was already familiar too me, but i assumed that a different day, different dose, different experience. Imagine my surprise when the next 2 attempts several days apart resulted in very similar occurrences.

Anyone one have any advice on dealing with sinister carnies that seem to be getting a laugh out of blocking my attempts at breakthrough?
 

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brewster
#2 Posted : 10/10/2019 8:47:13 AM

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Posts: 173
Joined: 02-Feb-2019
Last visit: 15-Oct-2019
Wow, thats some intense stuff Cool . While my experience is limited to LSD, Psilocybin and Mescaline, I want to say welcome to the Nexus, and safe journeys!
 
Exitwound
#3 Posted : 10/10/2019 9:40:33 AM

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Posts: 301
Joined: 24-Dec-2017
Last visit: 16-Oct-2019
Roboto wrote:

So I guess I'll end with a question. What the heck!?

Welcome Smile

Roboto wrote:

I have since discovered that there are supposedly clowns that are a common occurrence and that the deeper more meaningful content of DMT lies beyond them. I suppose that must be what im experiencing, but how do i get passed them? Why are they even blocking my entry? The first time it occurred it was already familiar too me, but i assumed that a different day, different dose, different experience. Imagine my surprise when the next 2 attempts several days apart resulted in very similar occurrences.

Anyone one have any advice on dealing with sinister carnies that seem to be getting a laugh out of blocking my attempts at breakthrough?


My first advice is to read forum threads here, experience reports, search for similar keywords - there is tons of information already typed and posted and indexed here, which may help to guide you.

Second - you have to ask yourself first, why is it that you are blocked. Don't expect answer to come straight away, take your time to integrate your trips, just keep this question rolling in the back of your head.
After all it's you who need to really get and feel the answer.

I can only hypothetize that maybe you are being mocked for your strong meantal ties to this physical reality and ego. You probably are not really letting go, because of the alienness and weirdness of the experience.
Realization that you probably are the reason that carnival is sinister and it is in reality only you who is blocking yourself from going further - is important and I think each individual must come to it themselves, to really get the understanding of what letting go means.

With correct approach, with set intention before trip, proper set and setting, sinister carnival maybe can be experienced as a joyful ride to the higher states of counsciosness, but something in you prevents it from happening.

Hopefully this wasn't too confusing Smile
 
TalkingGarden
#4 Posted : 10/10/2019 1:33:50 PM
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Posts: 65
Joined: 21-Sep-2019
Last visit: 16-Oct-2019
WELCOME!

Yeh I agree what was said above. For me getting my feet wet was important. But I had to let go of all previous thoughts of what I "thought" dmt should be like. In a sense reading a lot of reports seeing things that were so similar in all of them that is what I expected and that is NOT what was happening! After some practice and truly giving up and just letting it "do what it wants with me" well that is when I reached my destination! But it kinda funny cause it circled back around and now things seem very similar to what I read. its kinda like a ironic combination lock!

Also I would really suggest trying to meditate for a bit before you dose. I wasn't really doing that in the beginning and found it really helps calm all the thoughts I have had during the day and make for a clean experience. And trust me I am horrible at meditating! but it still works just calm the mind and let go.
 
 
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