Ch1. BACKGROUND: First I'll sum up some quick background, a little prequel before the sequel. I've been a fan of psyches since I was 15, im 24 now. I've experimented with basically every mind altering substance. Been through stages of addiction, had many free periods of my life where all I would do was occasional psychedelics. So I'm well versed in psychedelic use and mind altering drugs, anyway I'm here to talk to you guys about this one thing thats alike but different than anything offered on this planet, that one thing is DMT. I've done dmt prolly a dozen times, but on this day was what I would consider my first full blown break-through. I thought I broke-through before(years ago) but this experience puts it to shame, now I know. CAUSE ONLY THOSE WHO KNOW, WILL KNOW.. ya know
This magic gold was from "peter parkers" first a/b mb extract. Spoiler alert! It turned out well
Only now, hours later, are some things finally making some sense from what I experienced. I'm a new member but I've read on this site for many years. I can now fully appreciate this site, this community. Just knowing I'm not alone, and that others have witnessed what I witnessed, felt what I felt, seen the matrix, seen the clockwork. Of course we all have our own 'subjective' way of describing this, but what we experienced was OBJECTIVE. I truly believe this. Actually I have no doubt now.
Ch2. START OF DAY: So lets get into this shall we. This morning I took the alchemy gold and did the ash sandwitch technique. Took my daily dose of kratom (I use it medicinally, wouldn't deny im addicted) Got my room ready, tried to weigh out the dose only to find my scale sucks at accurately weighing out Mg's, so I kinda had to guesstimate, it was anywhere from 20~50mg. Then put on some starfucker tunes and got in my bed with my pipe. I vaped it correct and so on, long story short I didn't breakthrough fully from this attempt, I was extremely buzzing and half in dream-land, I thought maybe I just need more, so I put a bit more on my ash and vaped another couple hits, only to hit a plateau. I was vibrating, lost feeling in my body, had kaleidoscope closed eye visuals, this was a pleasant experience but not a break-through. As my eyes where closed and I was traveling, I felt the verge, I tried to focus harder, but I didn't get over. It was like good sex with no organism, mentally speaking. I know I had enough dose to breakthrough, I know I vaped it right, So why I thought? (this may be why some people also have a hard time getting to the otherside) I realized something unique. Its not the DMT in your system that makes you get through, The dmt is just a catalyst, a guide that shows your mind how to get there on its own, I hope that makes sense, idk how else to explain. I realized that deep down in my subconscious, there was resistance, I felt some kinda mental block while I was on the verge of trying to get through. It showed me even more how important the mind is. Hermetic principle one, "all is mind".
Ch3. TRAGEDY AND INTENTION: Later in the day... I decided to try again. This time I wrote down my intentions like it was a spell. Earlier this year I lost my girlfriend to suicide. We lived together, and this was the most I loved with a girlfriend, the connection, the intimacy, the crazy adventures, our story played out like a beautiful yet tragic romance movie, So even when I thought I was "moved on" its been unconsciously stirring inside me. Its been months and I've been caught in a negative thought loop. This, and among a handful (or headfull) of things I wanted to work through. I was ready to face this unconscious resistance, this underlying hesitation that's shown its face in many past situations, only to finally pinpoint it, take aim and fire back. Courage and boldness, that's what I want more of. I am strength, I am courage, its innate, I just have to tap into it, expand, the water that is my mind was becoming stagnate, I needed to open things up more and let the rivers flow. Progress not perfection, I accept. Thats my headline.
Ch4. EXPERIENCE, THE LAUNCH: So I went into it with this mindset. I went outside, found a nice secluded spot in the grass, next to a big oak tree. Placed my paper and my bottom on the grass. I read the words out loud, then in my head. Then equipped the pipe and flame. (BTW I eyeballed the dose, could of been 30mg or 100mg idk, I just made sure it was enough.) First hit: everything was buzzing, I gathered my air, emptied my lungs then went for, the second hit: Long steady draw, I almost stopped but I seen that was my resistance, I pushed past any fear and continued to draw the vapors until I was out of air. Held in as long as I could then BOOM. My mind was blown, and I don't mean figuratively, I literally felt a pop in my brain, the casket was blown, barriers were open wide. My first thought was, OH FUCK I CAN'T GO BACK NOW, MAYBE THIS WAS TOO MUCH, OH FUCK, then it faded to WELL I CANT GO BACK NOW, SOO HERE I GO! My body and my vision was vibrating faster, then faster then faster. I fell laid out on the grass facing the sky. As I watched this reality break apart into fractals. My body vibrated so fast until stillness, it became numb, it blended into the grass; my body was non-existent. My consciousness was projected out from my body. I felt it, I could actually feel this break from body to conscious energy. The leaving and returning was the scariest most exhilarating part. The in-between, well there was no human concept or emotion attached to it.
Ch5. EXPERIENCE, BEHIND THE VEIL: Honestly, I don't know how to describe the visuals well enough to do it justice, so I'll just give a general idea, because the visuals aren't as important as the feeling, the insight, the meaning, the new questions. There were no entities, this wasn't a mirror experience like some other psychedelic trips, that show apart of yourself so you can work on it, this wasn't about me; this was about everything. It was a glimpse of the universe behind the veil. I had NO hallucinations, by definition a hallucination is seeing or hearing something that's not actually there. I seen what was there but almost as if I gained the power of x-ray vision in a sense. Imagine if you were looking at a person, instead of seeing the persons surface, there skin and outer appearance, the outer layer disappeared, so you seen underneath; the skin, organs, muscles, bones, all the functions that make that body work. The person is still real, still energy, still there. Imagine you look at a clock, but you don't see the hands,face, or numbers. You look at the clock and you see all the gears moving that drive that clock to function. Well that's what happened to me. I was looking around and normal reality was unfolded. I seen the inner clock-workings of this universe. How all the energies flowed seamlessly creating one giant machine that connected everything. Nothing was separate, everything was intertwined in this network. My consciousness now floating away from my body, I FELT the merge into this ultimate webbed energy form. There was no me. Just one in the same. If anything was "god" this was the closest thing to it. This is all I can piece together now, I also felt like I seen the cycle of life, like "life flashing before my eyes" but not my life, life as whole, it was a profound feeling. From start to finish to my birth back into my human body, a "REBIRTH".
Ch6. EXPERIENCE, THE RETURN: My experience very slowly, gently faded back into "normal reality". I went from an floating ego-less consciousness, to gently floating back into my physical form like a leaf falling from a tree to the ground. Went from no feeling in my body, to feeling a tingle on my right hand finger, then my whole right hand, then my left hand, then my legs, then my whole body was tingling. I knew who I was but there was no back chatter, only presence. I was reborn into my body. I felt as if mother nature just gave birth to me. Everything made sense, I laughed, I smiled, and then I cried. I cried like a baby just being born. It was cathartic to say the least. There is more but I don't want to make this way too long. An hour after the experience, I felt completely back to normal, with a special souvenir from my journey. Its crazy that even with such a mind blowing profound experience, how easy it is to slip right back into your ego. I feel more myself and im so proud of myself.
Hope you enjoyed and got something from this, comments are very much welcomed. I love you all. -M