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Third Sub-BT and a couple of spiritual/philosophical questions Options
 
Teamleary
#1 Posted : 9/19/2019 3:23:43 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 160
Joined: 30-Jun-2019
Last visit: 20-Dec-2022
Hello everybody! (sorry for the length!)

I haven’t come here in a little while. I took advantage of the summer season to work mostly with LSD. At my folks’, the french and oh so green normandie, I had some beautiful epiphanies : )

Also, for those who’ve been supporting/helping me here, you know that I had some « device issues ». I was expecting a friend of mine to lend me a GVG. The pipe was at some dude’s my friend lent it to. Unfortunately, the dude « broke » it. I’m using quotation marks because I suspect he really didn’t!

Anyway, I was pretty bummed out about that. I really wanted to try it before ordering a 120 + 60$ shipping fee pipe. I tried the sandwich method yesterday with my glass pipe, but I’m pretty sure I bought the worst glass pipe in the world. Got a light buzz, no more. So I tried the sandwich with my teenage years acrylic bong. I used dry weed (already vaped). It really fucked my trip up. Cause the taste of smoking previously vaped weed is AWFUL. I got a heavier buzz but felt almost nauseous because of the weed. I said « tant pis » !

But then, I started to wonder: What are we doing? Why are we doing this?

Asking myself what we are seeking is always confusing, but in different ways. If I’m sad and/or lost, I’ll be thinking that I’m looking for something that could make my life worthwhile.

But if I ask myself that question when I’m feeling peaceful, it becomes the most fascinating and beautiful question ever.

what is our end? the moment itself? the existential benefits that come after? the wisdom?
Each time I take LSD, at some point, the trip leads me to wonder « why would one wants or needs to take LSD? » and every time I feel that there is precisely the exact same number of reasons to take it again and to never take it again. So then it’s more a « why not? » answer than a « in order to » answer. I wonder how you guys deal with that question. Are we trying to reach a point where we won’t ever feel the desire to travel anymore? When our whole life will be constantly filled with this high feeling of being part of one consciousness? After dozens of travels, what are we expecting again? Just beautiful moments? Do we wish to learn? Because I’ve kinda learnt there is nothing to learn! So what’s more than now? Shouldn’t we be perfectly satisfied with every moments in life, no matter how « dull » they appear?

Anyway! I’m such in a good place right now, I’ve never been that peaceful. That LSD summer helped a lot, but it’s also because well, I’ve been « dedicating » my life to wisdom for a while now. So I don’t lose all that’s « gained » during the trip, I suppose. It’s like « ego loss »: turns out it doesn’t feel like a shock when you’ve been meditating for years. It feels natural.

I read a beautiful post here yesterday about « meeting god » and it got me curious. Not in my traditional frustrated way « I need to know that now » though. I was like « hey, that’s beautiful, maybe I’ll get there, we’ll see, my journey is my journey ». But it also moved me because I started to realize that I’ve been starting to « believe in god » this past weeks in a way. During one of my LSD trips, I had a feeling (not an « absolutely amazing and overwhelming certitude » but a feeling none the less) God was telling me « you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, doing exactly what I want to you to do ».

Today, I wanted to try DMT again, with zero expectations and, more importantly, ZERO DESIRES. Just an open mind. Not that « I want to breakthrough so badly » mindset. I hadn’t eaten anything.
I prayed and then mediated.

I finished my changa in the bong: about 100mg. I don’t really know how to smoke out of a bong, so it took me « a while » to finish it. For the first time ever, I felt something in the back of my head, tingling sensations I’d say. I felt good, very calm, closed my eyes, witnessed some of those red geometrical patterns (they’re always red! does that happen? like, people having a « color dominance » ? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I generally do it during daytime? when you close your eyes and it’s sunny outside, generally, it’s already a bit red, isn’t it?)

It stopped and I felt great, just, calm and great. So I grabbed my electronic vaporizer and tried something new (I just mean a new temperature setting) with 20mg of spice.

The tingling sensations came back immediately and took the whole thing in two drags which is a HUGE improvement for this method. Closed my eyes and got sucked in this red/yellow/light shapes. I have to say in those moments I have pretty much zero self-consciousness. Like I’m a pure observer. Nothing more. I felt like I was told something, pretty much « heard » a vibration language but couldn’t understand it. I say « I was told something », it’s like, something was talking to « me », but I didn’t have a clear idea of what « me » was at the time. I couldn’t get what was happening. It was neither hostile nor reassuring. When I think of it, the general feeling was that it meant « come, come ». But it’s not like I felt I had any free will at disposal ahaha!

Then it calmed down. For some super weird reason, some idea/image of a little kid in LA next to a van popped up in my mind at that time. It didn’t feel so good, but the whole thing was coming down anyway.

When I opened my eyes, I felt extremely tired (but not in an unpleasant way). And I really felt « I’m done for the day ». I just knew I’d try again another day, you know. I’ve been feeling pretty great since ! (but I’ve been feeling great for weeks now, so…)

Question: these entities/archangels/god(s)… do you guys feel like you can talk to them when you’re not doing DMT/LSD/AYA….? And I don’t mean : « do you think this psychedelic experiences gave you a way of communicating with them? » I mean : do you guys think this « gateway » that are those substances works in one way or in both ways? Is it just for « us to reach them »? of is it also for them to reach us? Would you say that someone who has never done any of this should address them anyway, talk to them, cause they can hear? I’d say that… but I don’t know…
"How Small A Thought It Takes To Fill A Whole Life"
Wittgenstein
 

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