So this saturday I went to a xamanic ayahuasca ceremony, and drank 150ml of that thick brown liquid. It took almost 1:30 hour until I felt something, and the first thing I noticed was that this colorful "noise" we all see when we close our eyes started to turn into these super complex and impossible mandalas, patterns and 3D geometric shapes that were constantly morphing into something else. Then I saw these foxy/cat like beings made of neon purple and green, lots of humanoid faces, it wasn't very clear, I only had glimpses, it happens so fast you don't have time to process everything, but there was also this feeling I was in a magical forest, like in the avatar movie. Then I started feeling really sick, and this overwhelming hopelessness and desperation feeling took over me, and it only faded away after I threw up. Then the brew started to work on me, had lots of memories of my childhood, I cried a lot, thought about lots of bad things I did and I kept repeating to myself "forgive me, forgive me..." for at least 3 minutes. Then the tears of sorrow turned into tears of joy and gratitute, and I just felt love for everything, I wanted to hug everyone, and for some reason I felt like hugging the planet. I layed down on my belly with my face in the grass, opened my arms and hugged the planet, it felt sooooo good, and I stayed in that position for over an hour. I learned so much, it feels like you talk to your higher self, you ask questins and answers just come to you somehow. When thinking about a past relationship, I realized love is cumulative, all the love we receive stays with us forever.
I was REALLY fascinated with the closed eye visuals, it looked so impossible and bizarre, I wish I could see more of it. During my ayahuasca trip I had lots of emotions, bad ones and good ones. Does that also happen with smokable DMT, or it is just the visuals? I have 780mg of crystals and a glass pipe, just waiting for the right time...