I guess this is my first true psychedelic experience. It wasn't that intense, but it was 100% pleasant and it actually showed me some things. First of all, I was on SSRI's for 8 years since I was 15. This winter I tried to quit it and now I have second attempt. 5th day was the harshest for me both physically and mentally, so on the 5th day of withdrawal I took 30g of fresh z-strain (before taking them I didn't eat anything for ~17 hours).
I notice first changes in 10(!!) minutes. It was visual noise, everything got grainy first on periphery and then everywhere. I also got after images like when I look on something bright and then look somwhere else. I got slight indescribable body sensations and started to get some dark thoughts. And then like some another person appeared in my head and started to answer on this dark thoughts. He was almost like me but somehow different and better. His attitude was like "it's going to be ok bro, just relax and trip", and it worked almost instantly. I was expecting my internal chatter will go even deeper but no... He disappeared and my thoughts were silent. I was calm and just watching at everything. Next visual effect I got was what people call accuity enhancement it was just literally like seeing everything in better resolution. And first it was the only visual effect. Everything looked too real to be real. I look on a surface and first see it very detailed, then some part of it's texture start to move, like they always did this, but I didn't pay attention. This what replicas never can do - they always look like you put some external animation on texture. On shrooms it look's like THIS IS the real texture. Also those colorless dots, visual noise, it started to be structured into simple transparent lines. Those lines also fited on surfaces and formed moving grid. All scratches and dots on surfaces looked not only very detailed, but also volumetric. Visuals effects almost ended at 4 hours mark, and I was just calm, happy, with inner silence. Also no physical or mental signs of SSRI withdrawal.

I thought this is it, trip ended, I felt fresh happy, but almost didn't get any insights. At 12h mark after taking shrooms I went to sleep, but... "No-no-no, bro, we're not done with you yet". Suddenly and very fast I started to get chain of thoughts like someone was going through some "psychedelic experince thought's checklist". It all started from innocent thought "Can I consider entheogens living and thinking beings if in our brain they make different people to face the same archetypes?". It started chain reaction about thinking of interconnectedness of everything (some mushrooms have substances that bind to receptors in human brain, why do they even have to care about our serotonin receptors?), undesrtanding we are huge mechanism yadayadayada.

It also revealed few personal things. 5 years ago I was taking quetiapine - this is antipsychotic drug doctors prescribed me just for nothing. And I got strange side effect from it - I started to get existential horror. Every time I was going to sleep I was almost crying in panic because I saw how this huge dark emptiness will destroy everything I love and then will do it with me, and since birth we all trapped here. 1 year, 10 years, 60 years - what's the difference if it will come for you. And every time I was going to sleep I saw it coming for me. Problems started when wawes of this horror started to follow me during all day. I was like everything fine and suddenly it hits me and I feel this emptiness. It was lasting for two months after I figured out where is the problem, and I stopped taking it. This horror disappeared... As I though. And I suddenly realised that it never disappeared. That all this time this horror was with me, that it changed me, that by mistake I too early saw something I shouldn't... Well I guess it's too late to do something and part of this horrow will always stay with me. Understanding this was a sudden relief. Though train started to go far far away from me. I'm not important, I'm just part of a huge mechanism I will never understand and which will live... Forever? Why even bother about this stupid "me"? Thoughts were going even further, but it was too much to fully embrace them, but I started to falling asleep only in the morning.

Next days I got physical symptoms of SSRI withdrawal back, but mentally I was totally sane. Emotions didn't drive me crazy like it was earlier when I tried to quit them. Brain zaps, annoying flu like state... Just for experiment I tried microdose (tea of ~0.4 gramms dried) and it took away all symptoms of withdrawal, which didn't come back.

Probably this trip report is too personal, but I just wanted to show how sometimes traditional psychiatry can be bad and how psychedelics can be good. Even to someone who is prone to mental disorders. And all those thousands warnings about how dangerous they can be are probably exaggerated. I had serious mental problems since I was a child (OCD with fantastic obsessions, suspicion of schizophrenia) and I didn't lost my mind, I didn't get relapse, I even got experience which I can call totally pleasant.

I hope fear of death won't be a problem for me. It doesn't seems like it's going to grow and take over me again. But this is true reason, why I even started to get into psychedelics. I want to see more before I die - some sparkles of "magic" in my short life.

P.S. was going to rant about how psychiatry doesn't give a (bad word) about you feeling better, how sadistic and inhuman it is, but it would make my post twice longer.