Before I smoked DMT, I said to myself that I wanted to learn, I wanted it to teach me whatever it was meant to teach me. Although I said this to myself many times, I was lying to myself. This is because DMT is not a drug, and I anticipated it to act as one.. I know now I was very wrong. DMT has its own agenda, it will show/teach you whatever it feels/knows you need. This is because DMT knows you better than you know yourself.

I smoked it, and I had my moment of drug fun, I saw vibrant colors and everything felt like a cartoon. But once that quickly settled in, I noticed what was REALLY happening.. I was going to die.
It became clear, my ending was about to happen. It’s impossible for me to describe this feeling, it’s hard to even recall the exact way I felt, but I will say this.. it was absolutely terrifying.

I remember saying to myself “but I don’t want to die, I wanted to just trip and have fun! (In a disappointed tone). What was remarkable, was that DMT recognized that I respected it and did not fight it, I was merely shaken to my core, and drowning in pure fear of death. At first it played with me, I was rationalizing “wow I’m really tripping now” as a way for my ego to try and hold on. The DMT allowed me to gather myself with this idea, but then quickly plucked me out to tell me “oh no.. you aren’t tripping, THIS is reality, THIS is the truth”. I realized what it had just done, and exclaimed “ah you tricked me!! I'm not tripping, this isn't a drug!” To which the DMT entity gave me a smirk and said without language “haha you’re getting it now!”

Once I realized what the DMT was doing, it took me aside in the form of what I can only describe as “them” and guided me to different rooms in this in-between place (I had not broken through), showing me different portals, all leading to the same place, vibrating with this glorious energy. It took the time to assure and then reassure me “it’s okay to let go”. I played with these portals, and started to finally slip away from my body, slowly getting sucked into another dimension. But unfortunately, I didn’t smoke enough, and that is when I came back to this reality.

I now understand that if someone is to smoke this conscious chemical, they need to first completely surrender to the void, it will be the scariest moment of their life, but the other side is pure love, it wants to see you! And the second, is that DMT is not fun, this is not something you do recreationally. DMT is there to put you in your place, to show you that this existence that we hold so high on a pedestal, means absolutely nothing. We will all die, and we will forget this existence, we will go back to a place where our spirit happily swam around with the others. That doesn’t mean this existence shouldn’t be made the most of. After all, I don’t know if we’ll ever get the chance to live the life of this awesome conscious organism ever again! What I do know now, is that we might as well enjoy ourselves, live whatever purpose we think we’re meant to fulfill, and then just let go of it at the end. It may sound sad, but I can promise you that it isn’t.

I look forward to smoking it again in a few days, and I hope for a break-through next time.

Peace and Love,

Spicy_Spicoli

Next time just let go : ) it's much harder holding on. You must be prepared, at any given moment, to give up what you are, for what you are about to become.