(t+0) 4:50pm - 160ug ALD-52
(t+1:25) 6:15pm - 17mg 4-Aco-DMT
The Religious Experience - From Skeptic to Mystic
My History
I’ve been consuming psychedelics experimentally and for personal growth for nearly a decade now. During this period of my life, I have evolved from a militant atheist materialist scientific skeptic, into a modern-day techno shaman mystic.
My first experience was with 3.5g of mushrooms. It was a dark and borderline ego death experience. The set and setting were completely off: I was tripping without the knowledge or consent of my girlfriend at the time. We shared an apartment, and I had a few friends over to trip with. Honesty and transparency… lesson learned.
I didn’t touch psychedelics again until I tasted LSD a few years later. LSD really jived with my psycho-analytical skeptical mind. I remember during the come up, all I wanted to do was meditate. Unfortunately, my tripping partner was an overly flamboyant gay man that talks entirely too much. In hindsight, I think I would have gotten a lot more out of the experience had he not been influencing me.
After this LSD experience, I didn’t try any psychedelics again until I came into contact with LSD in my mid twenties. (Well, a friend did offer me some DMT, which I got minimal effects from due to poor vaporization technique).
I bought a ten strip in my mid twenties and started to play more with LSD. At this point, I fall in love with the molecule. The high felt so clean, and powerful. I was learning about myself, about others, about body language and many other subtleties in life that seemed to go unnoticed until now. I had tried MDMA a few times too. Those first times were absolutely magical, as first encounters with MDMA seem to be.
After the 10-strip, I save up enough money to buy a half-sheet. This is where I really start to test the limits of LSD, and my tolerance to it. At my peak, I was tripping a few times a week. My highest dose was 6 tabs, although, that was with significant tolerance.
I candy flipped a handful of times, but no candyflip will ever rival my first one. I have never been able to recreate the feeling. I seem to be less and less tolerant of MDMA as I get older. Amphetamines don’t align with my higher purpose, like psychedelics do. The first time I candflipped was at an EDM club. I went to see adventure club, by myself! It was an exhilarating and liberating feeling to go out to a nightclub solo.
I spent a few more years tripping, rolling, and candyflipping. I was a little late to the rave scene, but I could not get enough. I learned a lot about myself, and my sexuality during that time. I learned how to attract women with my energy, I learned how to dance without giving a fuck. I picked up “gloving” as a new form of self expression, something that I still practice to this day.
After a few music festivals, and disappointing MDMA trips, I am starting to grow too old to party. My relationship with psychedelics transforms, slowly, into a more intentional and spiritual practice.
I didn’t have any really challenging psychedelic experiences until I came into contact with 4-AcO-DMT. Two experiences stick out in my mind as particularly challenging and scary. One was at around 25 mg, the other was 14 mg, in combination with oral MAOIs (sometimes known as psilohuasca).
These experiences caused me to take a step back from psilacetin. LSD and cannabis, however, I would never hesitate to try.
I was a daily cannabis user, with a few breaks here and there, but I could never shake the plant for too long.
My addiction and reliance on cannabis has been something I’ve been grappling with for almost a decade. It has led to many disagreements, and few separations for my partner and I. But, my partner and I have persevered, and continue to grow and love each other.
Set and Setting
So now its 2018, I’m 29 years old, and I find myself working on a retreat center on a farm in Washington. The 80-acre property is just a few miles west of Mt. Rainier. On a clear day, you can see the snow capped volcano and all of its majesty. It truly is a sacred and wonderfully magical place to be.
We’ve been here about 3-4 weeks. For some reason, the freedom and situation compelled me to start using cannabis more frequently. After a few days, I started to consume cannabis early and earlier. Eventually, I was taking dabs first thing in the morning. My partner starts to catch on, and needless to say, she is scared and we talk about splitting up.
We end up talking it out. I love her so much, and cannot imagine living without her. After some soul searching, I take a 5 day break from cannabis. It felt amazing to be clear and free from the grips of addiction, if only briefly.
The owners of the farm/retreat are out of town for a few days, and we are left to look after this huge property. There are 4 beautiful yurts erected in direct view of Mt Rainier. We decide that the open floor plan yellow yurt is the perfect place to have a session.
The Trip
In the evening, around 4:50pm, I take my dose of ALD-52 (160ug). I plan on taking 4-AcO-DMT as well, but I start to psych myself out. I’m coming up on the ALD-52 in the mystical yellow yurt, and things are just dandy. I lay down, looking up at the geometry of all the supports of the yurt converging into a circle above my head. Colors become brighter, everything is shiny, as it always is on psychedelics.
I feel fear and apprehension about consuming 4-AcO-DMT. In hindsight, I think my ego knew it was going to be dissolved if I went through with the dose. The plan was to take the dose at T+1:15, in order to time the peaks of ALD-52 and 4-Aco-DMT.
The fear gets the best of me, and I decide I don’t want to drink the 4-AcO-DMT. I decide, fuck it, I’ll just take a small dab to smooth out this come up, and enjoy this ALD-52 trip. My partner is my trip sitter tonight, and she is nothing but supportive.
Time keeps on ticking, and as the 1-hour mark approaches, I am still not completely comfortable. (Although the dab definitely helped). We are playing some music, and my partner is dancing on these spacious wooden floors. I decide to get up and dance as well. Ecstatic dance has been a passion of mine, and I know from one other harrowing trip just how powerful of a tool it can be to steer my mindset.
What do you know, I’m feeling the beat and moving my body. It feels so good to move and to let go and to be one with the moment in the flow state. My movement and dancing is growing my self confidence and significantly boosting my mood! With this new found confidence, I throw caution to the wind and drink my 17 mg of 4-AcO-DMT!
Whelp, now I’m in for the ride!
I continue to dance and flow for the next hour or so, I’m not sure. Its very hard to understand time, or anything while in these sorts of states. Everything is timeless, and language has no meaning.
Sometime during or after the peak, I find myself lying down, just totally in the soup of the psychedelic experience.
My partner and I are cuddling as I turn into a puddle. Kissing her feels so amazingly sensual. We are cuddling and loving, and soon, she starts sucking on my fingers. I’ve never felt so amazing in my life. It felt like my fingers were my penis, and I was getting my dick sucked! I am so lucky to have such a giving and pleasurable partner. I could feel how badly her mouth wanted my cock down her throat. So I just look at her then look at my pants. Without saying a word, she undresses my lower half, then playfully, sensually, and innocently asks if she can take me in her mouth.
I didn’t say no. It felt amazing, but I am starting to peak and having trouble keeping myself sexually aroused. She sucked me for a few minutes, but after a while, it was too much for me. My ego and world was caving in on me, and the stimulation was too much for me to handle! I zip up my pants and curl up to endure the brunt of ego dissolution and healing that is coming my way.
I am cradled and cuddled by my partner. Her love and warmth is so healing and protective. I find myself sort of cocooned by her body, as my eyes are closed and I’m having all sorts of closed-eyed DMT visions. The plan was to maybe vape some DMT during this experience, but this moment was so powerful, I decided to save it.
While in the soft warm womb of my partner, it was almost exactly like a DMT trip! Except it felt almost more immersive in a different way. Like, I was still with my body and in the room, but everything I was experiencing became DMT. I can’t even begin to describe the colors or that patterns that I was with my eyes closed. I do remember the feeling, it was so reminiscent of DMT.
At this point, I am fully connected to the Great Spirit that is inside all of us. As a former skeptic, I’ve struggled with putting words to this unspeakable thing. Some call it God, but that word has always been charged with a history of negativity in my head. Spirit, Oh Great Spirit, that is inside all things living and nonliving…
It is what animates life, what is pushing us forward. We are all connected to this collective mind, this collective consciousness. In this state of profound realization, I understand that 4-AcO-DMT, my partner, and EVERYTHING are all sources of enlightenment for me. I see God in all things, and understand my access to this experience.
As I emerge from the womb, I can hear my inner voice streaming profound realizations that I eagerly want to express. But try as I might, my speech doesn’t seem to match up with the voice inside of me. All I can do is just sit with it, just be present.
And for the next few hours, I bask in the presence. In the Presence of God, The Great Spirit, the presence of the now. Everything is Holy, Sacred, and shining like gold. I feel transformed, healed, powerful, and content.
I spend the next hour or so dancing and moving my body to the music. I have never moved so gracefully or danced as well I did that night in my life. My partner cannot believe the way I am moving my body!
I find myself, at this point, really connecting with my partner. She has been sober for this trip, with the exception of a dab of cannabis wax. We lock eyes, and begin this hour long phase of intense eye contact and telepathic communication. Our spirits are divinely connected as we share silent vows of devotion, love, and friendship. I would take moments to close my eyes, while basking in the connection and in the moment. We would then reconnect eyes, and feel that the soul connection didn’t stop, even during a brief respite of eye contact. I’m not sure exactly how long this moment lasted, it felt like a while. It doesn’t really matter how long it lasted, though, as it was a timeless and unforgettable experience.
The rest of the night was filled with more dancing, a little bit of talking, and lots of reflection.
My partner went to bed before me (as she wasn’t frying on ALD-52 like me). When she left the yurt, I felt called to try vaping some spice. I wasn’t very brave, or looking for anything too intense as I was pretty tired from my experience so far. I loaded up around 10mg, got some threshold effects, and basked in the afterglow of the weirdness of the spirit molecule.
I spend some more time meditating, reflecting, tried DMT again, around 15 mg, but it wasn’t anything too special. I decide that tonight isn’t my time for DMT, and take one final large dab of cannabis wax to end my ingestion of the sacred sacraments.
The decision to pack up my bong and cannabis, and ride out the last few hours of ALD-52 was, what I think, helped me retain this beautiful afterglow that I am feeling into the next day.
This trip has taught me how powerful these sacraments can be, especially when used in a respectful and spiritual context. My relationship to cannabis is most important. Having abstained for 5 days prior also played a large part in the healing and therapeutic benefits I received from this experience.
It's not easy for me to abstain from cannabis, but it is worthwhile. It’s not that hard either, it's just a matter of willpower, and doing.
I’m grateful for the experience, and for the lessons it taught me. I’m ready for more 4-AcO-DMT! And I look forward to vaping spice with 4-AcO-DMT!
Set.
Setting.
INTENTION!
|