I guess I'm mainly using this post as a trip journal but would also like to hear some other opinions on what I experienced, im still trying to make sense of it.

Last night I decided it was time to reap the rewards of my first STB MHRB extraction. As it being my first time I wanted to ease into it...well I guess the spice had a different plan. Before starting I did my normal trip routine, clean the space ill be spending the majority of my time in, burn some incense, write down my intentions for the journey, then take a cold shower while doing some breathing exercises, put comfortable clothes on, maybe some Icaros to help get my mind in a good spot, then spend 10 minutes or so thinking about my intentions. This is something ive always done when using any psychedelic for self discovery and growth, anyway....

I weighed out 18mgs of my spice, loaded up my GVG and got ready to go. The first hit was ok, never using the gvg before I wasnt exactly sure how much vapor I was getting. Held in whatever vapor I did get for what seemed like a minute but was probably only 10-15 seconds. on the exhale I immediately could feel what can only be described as a warm vibrating feeling, and a slight ringing noise, almost a buzzing sound it was very pleasant. After a few minutes I took my second inhale, thinking I didnt properly vaporize the spice the first time, I kept inhaling until I could see the gvg filled with a thick cloud of vapor. I inhaled all of it and held it in for as long as possible.
The second I exhaled the buzzing got significantly louder, being matched with the vibrations. I couldn't do anything but close my eyes and lie down. Immediately after closing my eyes I was met with some beautiful closed eyed visuals. That didnt last long, all I could focus on was the buzzing sound and vibrations, at this point they where getting stronger and stronger by the second. I remember thinking or being told that this is the energy of the universe, the energy of everything. I dont think I could have moved even if I had wanted to. It felt like the two sensations where combining in my body, building up as they got louder and stronger, the only words I can think of to describe it are it seemed as if my body was getting ready to be shot through the universe. The vibrations and buzzing where so intense at this point its all I could focus on and it slightly freaked me out. The second I got a little scared I was able to open my eyes,( it felt like something had let me open my eyes as if to tell me everything was ok) everything had a beautiful geometric pattern overlay and the vibrations and buzzing pretty much stopped. The journey ended shortly after. I jotted down everything I was able to put into words and decided to go again.
This time weighed out 10mgs, 3 good hits and I felt like I was in a dream state, I knew my surroundings, I was in my apartment but everything was different as if I was in the apartment of another me. It was very pleasant, closed my eyes and was greated with more CEV's, this was shorter lived and not as intense as the first. I remember coming out of it and just thinking everything is ok.
I weighed out another 18mgs and took 3 good hits holding each in for as long as I could. Expecting the same results as the first time. Immediately after the 3rd exhale that overwhelming feeling of closing my eyes came. Closed my eyes and lied down, the vibrations and buzzing came back, but stopped getting so intense at a certain point. The minute the vibrations hit their peak and stopped getting stronger, I realized I was smiling, then I was laughing. I dont know if I was physically doing either but I dont think it matters. At this time I remember a warm feeling moving through my body until it reached my heart, I could feel the warmth surrounding my heart. Still smiling and laughing, I asked why I was doing this, I was responded with an answer that seemed to come from a deep primal part of my brain. It told me that I understood now, that all of this was about love and it was silly to have been afraid.
Its hard to describe the buzzing and vibrations, it felt like I was feeling and hearing the energy of the universe, the energy of every living thing past and present. It was fucking intense. It almost felt like an out of body experience. reflecting on the experience it seems like something was trying to test me in a way. To see how much I could handle before going any further, or maybe trying to show me whats possible? I only think this because the minute I started to feel overwhelmed by the vibrations and buz/ringing something pulled me out of it. Has anyone else experienced something similar on their first journey or on any journey in general?

Several occasions vaping DMT I have felt like it was all going to be too much. Feeling like I was coming out of my skin. Feeling like I was verge of exploding. Feeling like the experience was just going to destroy me.

I have had two things happen. When I let go and relax, the experience becomes something magical and beautiful! When I fought it and bought into this feeling of dying or being destroyed or just simply overwhelmed, it became something of a negative experience. Just waiting for it to be over.

It is hard to let go. I would say that it the greatest lesson DMT has taught me...let go!!! Just let it be... let yourself feel this overwhelming feeling and let it carry you to someplace trusting the process. It can feel like driving down the road at 120 mph and then closing my eyes and letting go of the wheel. I would think and feel that I will spin out of control and die!! No.. keep your hands on the wheel.. keep driving... keep control. The times I have attempted to maintain control I would lose control and get lost in my own fears.

Well... takes courage to close your eyes and let go of the wheel. When I have let go in this way I found myself wondering why I was worried to begin with. Something else comes in and surrounds me with reassurance and love. I don't know what IT is... all I know is that is has the wheel. The wheel I imagined in front of me was a false sense of control.

Past a certain point with DMT you will have no choice but to let go of the wheel. It will takes you where it wants. At a certain point, I simply disappear and forget who I am, forget what a car is, forget what a wheel is, forget what control means.. all is gone and somehow I am still aware. In this space I feel I know everything in the universe is deeply connected. That feeling of love and energy of the universe is amazing!

You certainly are not alone in the feelings you are having. I have read quite a few trip reports over the years the echo what you have presented here. I can relate to what you have said. Just relax and let go is all I can say. Smoalk moar!

That was a great way of putting it. I went into the journey with all intentions of letting what happens happen, I knew the spice would take me where it wanted to. But I dont think I was ready for it to take me to such an intense space right away. Going in I thought 15-20mgs was a good starting dose and I think I down played what I was going too experience. But you are right you just gotta let go. I think that's what the spice showed me during the first, I think it was the spice destroying my ego. I think thats why the next to journeys where so beautiful and insightful. I will continue to be mindful of just letting go, theres just some stuff thats out of your control. which is something I need to work on in my every day life, which is a pretty deep insight.
Thank you for the reply, you really just gave me an insight into something that I hadn't thought about at all and ive been trying to process this experience all day. I just need to work on letting go, and understanding there are just somethings in this life that are totally out of my control no matter what my expectations or feelings are and thats ok, cant fight it, just got to roll with it and know you'll be a better person for it.

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