So I'm always trying to understand just how I got to the point I'm at currently. Sense of detachment/indifference and I swear I recall a point in one of my experiences that seemed to just freeze me on the spot in a sense. But that sense of frozen willpower remains, it's almost like having been swallowed up or something. Most of the time I think it involves some sense of Eternal Recurrence and just being grinded by things that happened in the past. Misunderstanding's and such. Anyone else go through anything similar? Having brought them down in some sense? If I'm not being clear enough let me know, I was just trying to keep it short.

Edit::

Just read through this post and there is more going on than this current post I'm replying to. I would advise to reread the caring responses from other members on the forum very closely. My opinion is that you need to Seek Professional Help as soon as possible and that is the only advice I will give you.