Hey <3 I'm new to this forum and I hope this essay serves for a little introduction. I'm a portuguese guy, in my 20s, finishing med school in about a month. I'm currently working on my masters' thesis which is a literature review named "Ibogaine: a new paradigm in opioid dependence treatment?". I hope to specialise in psychiatry and to be able to make my own research in psychedelics. I have lived in Brazil for 8 months and there I joined a group of mental health workers (mostly psychiatrists and psychologists) which was beginning a research project in the use of ayahuasca to treat alcoholism. I believe the future of psychiatry lies with this substances and that they have great therapeutic potential on the treatment of addiction and helping people at the end of their lives accept death.
During middle school, I had a teacher who assigned each student a presentation about a drug. The idea was to show the dangers of drug use and each student had to choose a different one. What I thought until then, what I had been taught by my family and my teachers, was that all drugs were equally bad. I ended up concluding the exact opposite. All drugs had their risks, I realized that. However, all drugs had their benefits as well. Everything was and is a matter of pros and cons. It is up to each one to weigh what is best for them.
That's when my interest in psychedelics was born. I was 8 years preparing for my first experience; 8 years, because it was the time it took me to get LSD and someone to take it with. During these 8 years, I realized from my use of cannabis that the worst that can happen to someone who consumes an illegal substance without major health concerns is to get caught. I realized that the government is lying to us and that if they want to protect us, they should teach us how to make responsible use of each substance, instead of trying to make us believe that all drug use is problematic.
My first trip was on November 13, 2015. I woke up the next day and the world was different - during the night, Bataclan had been the target of a violent terrorist attackn Not only the world but I was also different. Since that day, I have never looked at a tree the same way again. I had never seen the amount of green tones that the same tree hides in its leaves. In fact, I noticed it doesn't even hide them. They're in plain sight for you to notice them.
I have been using psychedelics since that same date. They can be fun... But not always. For me, a trip is always a process. If there are complicated and negative paths it has to take me, that is where I usually go. I've seen sadness, fear and death ... But in the end only peace, love and joy remained. I have lived thousands of years through the use of psychedelic. With them I had the worst experiences of my life, but also the most beautiful experiences. What was left of these terrifying experiences was that I survived. I doubt that anything worse than that can happen to me, so everything can come my way because I know I can face it and be victorious.
I did not need psychedelics to become the person that I am, but they helped me do it. For that I will forever be grateful to them. I have never suffered from depression, I have never been anxious, I have never suffered from compulsions or addictions ... But I know who has been through this and who, today, is not plagued by these problems, thanks to these substances. Why are these medicines not available to everyone?
I have been working with ayahuasca with indigenous peoples, practically since the moment I moved to Brazil, 10 months ago. I owe much growth to this medicine. I left Brazil in March, but I want to go back. I want to go back to the Amazon jungle and continue to learn from the kaxinawá people. I was received in a village that taught me what family is and what friendship is. I hope I'll be joining them again soon, using rapé, fishing and playing football. Until then, I know we are still connected. We all are.
From what the psychedelic experience brought me, I remained with the connection with Nature, with the connection with others and with the connection with myself; I lost the fear of death and I got my will to live; I want to help and do good; I got a new knowledge about spirituality and I remained in contact with entities that I cannot fully understand; I started to see everything as sacred, to feel part of everything, to perceive myself as the Universe experiencing itself; I rejoiced with the people I love.
Huix huix!
