awn007,
Welcome to the Nexus. I am sorry things are so difficult for you right now.
I would counsel a modicum of caution around use of psychedelics and in particular dissociatives given what you have going on. I honestly believe the Shulgin technique of drug exploration makes the most sense.
I would counsel to start very low then over a period of experiences/trips, titrate up gradually until you find a sweet spot. This can minimize chances of getting into serious trouble.
Regarding DMT I would encourage you to check the extraction TEKs in the wiki and make your own rather than try to get it some other way. That way you know that your product is clean/pure.
I hope you get more answers and find what you are looking for.
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2Hyperspace LOVES YOU