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Migraines vs. Psilocybin - attempt #1 - failed Options
 
AcaciaConfusedYah
#21 Posted : 4/22/2019 2:50:43 PM

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When she got home, I had a candid conversation and articulated my "take" on the situation as best I could.

I told her my experience and told her it's her choice. I told her I'm no longer going to protect her from the sleep paralysis, nor migraines, nor any of it - unless she asks. I told her that I can, but maybe it would be better for her to figure it out on her own. I'll always be here/there/knowhere - but, I don't know if it's my authority to hold someone back from their own personal growth via desire to protect.

Protect what? Sure, I love her. But. I had to figure it out for myself. She's too similar to me to admit that she'd want any help. We're stubborn - both of us. It figures. Same birthday- 'cept I am a year older. She's likely smarter than me in a common sense standpoint - I am a fool who will keep taking a beating until I die or win. She knows when to step back.

So, after I told her what I experienced, I offered to help ONLY if asked. The night progressed and.... I broke one of my rules... I reminded her of something that she tends to want to forget. I understand - if I'd seen it from another person - I'd question myself, as well. But, it was just enough to remind her.

She mentioned increasing pain and asked for a kiss on her forehead. I did.

I believe she's feeling better. But, ultimately - it's on her.

Just like anyone else. It's on you. If I broadcast a network that blocks you from experiencing you; then I am stealing your opportunity for personal growth.

I'm taking the network down for everyone but myself. If you want it, no problem. I'll offer it to anyone who asks. Maybe some growth comes from asking for help? Maybe some comes from figuring it out on your "own."

Either way. I needed to grow away from the notion that I need to ALWAYS help people. I like helping folks. But I don't think that everyone "wants" help. Maybe, helping someone means letting go of the desire to help; the desire for control; the need to feel "wanted" or "appriciated." Why? What does it do? Stroke my ego? So what.



As per typical, story time:

When I was in my early teens I played tennis. I played for the school, for teams, and in tournaments. I didn't have much interest in the sport until i saw my younger cousin play. So, I wanted to be able to beat him. He was good... like.... really good. He became number 1 in his region. He got recruited to a school with a full load scholarship. Dude was awesome.

Me? I was 1 or 0; hit or miss; on target or WAY far away from target. I didn't care too much about the sport - I just wanted to be able to beat him. (I might have once? He probably let me if I did.)

His serve... my god. I'd never seen a skinny 12 year old kid send a 95 mph rocket. It was something to reckon with, but all based on movement and leverage of the body - he's not "strong." If you could return it - good luck. Most people just jumped out of the way for fear of losing a body part. So, I asked him to show me how. He did. Me? I'm taller, with longer arms....so the leverage factor was in my favor, kinda. Well.... i could send a missile of a serve. But they were all over the place. I hit the target 25% of the time. The other 75%? Your guess is as good as mine.

Stubborn, i just insisted on attempting the rocket serve for the first serve, and having a "solid" second serve that I had to rely on. That was my failure, in tennis. I wouldn't let go of the potential power of that first serve. That 25% chance that it hit the target was worth it. The ball was not coming back to my end of the court. Period. If it hit in the zone, it didn't come back. But the other 75% of the time - I relied on a "safe" serve. The safer, second serve was easily (usaally) returned and the game would play out. Sometimes it went ok, sometimes not. If the other player was better at the game - then it is what it is. If they weren't, then that's ok too.

Looking back - how many matches did I loose because I would refuse to give up that potential 25% chance that my first serve would not be returned? Many. If I'd stop worrying about what others were doing, I probably would have been great at the game. (I wasn't bad, just not as "good" as my cousin.)

Growing up - i was always "smarter," "faster," "stonger," blah blah blah.... so my ego took a blow when my sense of superiority got wrecked. In struggle to regain - I lost. But, it's good. I needed to lose. By loosing, I let go of the game. It was fun... but I played to "prove" something. I was never going to beat my cousin at HIS game. That was his. I had soccer, baseball and basketball. He wasn't so great at those sports. And that's ok. But he is a rock star tennis player and I AM PROUD OF HIM. 💜

I'm glad he was better than me. He needed it. When he "beat" the older rival - his confidence grew. And he continued to improve every day. Me? I still just sat there hoping for the 25% chance that I landed the rocket-serve.

Lol... on another note - when I played for my school: myself and Tony were the Varsity men's doubles team. I think it only took about 3 rocket serves to the back before Tony started moving out of the way when it was my turn to serve. Smile Laughing Laughing
Seriously, it wasn't on purpose. I had a ton of power - for being the skinniest person on the team - but my aim was terrible.

What is the point of great power if there is no ability to focus on aim? Sometimes we blast our friends in the process of discovering such qualities. Sorry, Tony - but I'm glad you started moving out of the way when it was my turn to serve. Cause, god damnit, that 25% of no return was worth risking the rest. Plus, it usually worked as a bluff more than anything. Cause.... every now and then.... I'd play the wild card. Get them ready for a rocket - all tense and anxious... and then I'd send the second serve, first. The change in pace was totally confusing and they usually didn't expect that. The expectation of a rocket, but getting some sense of safety opened up their vulnerability. If i'd only seen the pattern back then....


Love Love
ACY


The migraines? If there is a 25% chance of no return - I launch rockets. And I don't stop until I'm dead or win. There are no "safe serves." There are only rockets. Safety would have been an appropriate tactic years back. Not any more.
Sometimes it's good for a change. Other times it isn't.
 

Good quality Syrian rue (Peganum harmala) for an incredible price!
 
Jees
#22 Posted : 4/22/2019 6:15:17 PM

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Hi Acy,

I think it's normal for people to doubt anyone else's personal approach.
Your take on is yours. Does it needs confirmation to work? I guess not. Facts speak.

For half of my life I had terrible sleeping night-dreams, mostly I was the witness of a horrific man slaughter. I was just there to see it happen close by, I was never really in danger myself, but when waking up after witnessing a most bloodthirsty slaughtering I found myself in a bad tune and had to come to shape up and get steady again. I never liked seeing horror movies actually so it can't be that coming to visit in dreams.

This changed almost overnight.
All I did was something I forgot to do all the time: just telling myself (or the cosmos) I was seriously fed up and did not wanted these uber "annoying dreams" any more. I realised I never outputted the intention before that I disliked my dream patterns like that. So I started to say clearly to myself few times a day: I don't want these kind of dreams any more, nor substitutes for it. Not that I could not bear them any more (in dreams one can deal with a lot more terror situations than in real life) but just the fact I got seriously fed up with the repetitive pattern.

As if these dreams did not know/realized that I did not liked them.
As if the dreams thought wrongly they served me gusto.
So I made clear my position.
I think to have never had such dreams again so far I can remember.

These were absolute drug free periods I talk about!
If I was back then acquainted with spice (or whatnot) then I can easily see same story deploying as the concurring of an entity that represented these rotten dreams, I believe this might have led to same result. Just different roads to same place?

I believe a lot is programming works. Not all, but a lot.
Any take-on to access these self programming and that seems to work, simply works. No one else is placed in the right shoes to say it's bs. Because facts are facts.

I also believe what works for one is not necessarily something in general. You are right that people should/could find ways themselves to access their self programming levers, and decide only and only on the base of results. We should permit ourselves in trial and error games with no regret when probing possibilities. But any attempt on the base of hope will not work (or less effective), it must be determination and creation when going for it.

My mom (80years) her health has become sooo dependant on how she manages her head/thoughts. The slightest form of stress will immediately translate in bodily symptoms of sickness/pain. I've never seen the correlation so clearly before my eyes. Self programming makes a ton of difference here. I don't think my stress is so bodily reflective but I'm sure it works that ways, only in lesser visible ways, but the mechanism is running nonetheless.

About from self re-programming to other-reprogramming:
more difficult I guess due more factors in play. You touch some good points to not take such things for granted. Spoon feeding has indeed a flip side on the coin.

Acy you might think I'm missing the ball here and that I'm drawing wrong analogies, I dunno, it's just how I see it from here, pixels away.

Love
 
AcaciaConfusedYah
#23 Posted : 4/23/2019 2:32:44 AM

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Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 1288
Joined: 22-Feb-2014
Last visit: 16-Mar-2024
Jees,


If I dare - I'd say we have a LOT in common.

You missed no ball. Grand slam.

Thank you!

Love Love Love
ACY
Sometimes it's good for a change. Other times it isn't.
 
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