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post one liner jokes Options
 
Spanishfly
#61 Posted : 10/13/2015 4:30:00 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 202
Joined: 16-Dec-2011
Last visit: 28-Jun-2017
Location: Costa Blanca, Spain
Orion wrote:
Shortest one I know:

Venison's deer isn't it ?




And mutton is cheap !!! (Still not funny!)
Life is a shit sandwich - the more bread you got, the less shit you eat.
 

Trippy glass for trippy people.
 
DoingKermit
#62 Posted : 10/13/2015 5:20:18 PM

DMT-Nexus member

Senior Member

Posts: 1726
Joined: 28-May-2009
Last visit: 02-Jul-2020
A man runs into a psychiatric hospital completely naked and wrapped in cling-film. A doctor runs up to him saying "I don't know what's bothering you, but I can clearly see your nuts!" Smile
 
downwardsfromzero
#63 Posted : 10/13/2015 9:38:05 PM

No way ticket

Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 4789
Joined: 30-Aug-2008
Last visit: 01-Jul-2020
Location: square root of minus one
The annoying thing about this thread is that all my best one-liners are spontaneous and I never write them down. Goddamn cannabis...
Ora, lege, lege, lege, relege et labora

“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
DMT_Tom
#64 Posted : 10/14/2015 5:19:55 AM

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Posts: 184
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Last visit: 04-Mar-2019
Point to your head and say the last two letters of the abbreviation for Dimethyltryptamine.

Big grin
“You, of all people, deserve your own love and affection.” -Buddha

For God so loved the world...
God is Love
 
downwardsfromzero
#65 Posted : 10/14/2015 6:51:47 AM

No way ticket

Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 4789
Joined: 30-Aug-2008
Last visit: 01-Jul-2020
Location: square root of minus one
http://nogrowingofbrain.ytmnd.com/

(sorry Embarrased )
Ora, lege, lege, lege, relege et labora

“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
hixidom
#66 Posted : 10/17/2015 7:22:11 AM
DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 1048
Joined: 21-Nov-2011
Last visit: 18-Jun-2020
1. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?...

2. I like my coffee like my women: without a penis.
Every day I am thankful that I was introduced to psychedelic drugs.
 
slewb
#67 Posted : 10/18/2015 12:59:14 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 383
Joined: 29-Jul-2011
Last visit: 27-Jul-2019
One liner? I hardly know 'er!
 
Buster
#68 Posted : 10/18/2015 12:03:50 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 163
Joined: 01-Jan-2009
Last visit: 18-Oct-2015
Location: Electric Ladyland
What d'ya call a fly with no wings? .....A walk.

what d'ya call a donky with only three legs? ......A wonky
I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.




 
Buster
#69 Posted : 10/18/2015 12:21:20 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 163
Joined: 01-Jan-2009
Last visit: 18-Oct-2015
Location: Electric Ladyland
So did you hear about the constipated mathematician?......He tried to work it out with a pencil.
I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.




 
DMT_Tom
#70 Posted : 10/27/2015 9:51:16 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 184
Joined: 08-Aug-2015
Last visit: 04-Mar-2019
Q: Favorite deodorant of the Nexus throughout time?

A: Old Spice
“You, of all people, deserve your own love and affection.” -Buddha

For God so loved the world...
God is Love
 
Godsmacker
#71 Posted : 10/28/2015 1:09:17 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 587
Joined: 02-May-2013
Last visit: 16-Apr-2018
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
'"ALAS,"said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad
when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have
narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner
stands the trap that I must run into." "You only need to change your direction," said
the cat, and ate it up.' --Franz Kafka
 
null24
#72 Posted : 2/9/2016 4:05:14 AM

Not a derogatory robot, since 1969


Posts: 3352
Joined: 21-Jul-2012
Last visit: 02-Jul-2020
Location: Cascadia
If a special ed student is late to class more than once, is he re-tardy?

I'm. So so so very sorry.
Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest -Roger Bacon
*γνῶθι σεαυτόν*
decrimART
 
fluidfocus
#73 Posted : 2/9/2016 6:43:31 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 159
Joined: 05-Apr-2015
Last visit: 16-Jun-2020
What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre
 
steppa
#74 Posted : 2/10/2016 10:55:20 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 970
Joined: 01-Dec-2012
Last visit: 24-Jun-2020
A one armed man walks into a second hand shop.
Everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end.
 
Pandora
#75 Posted : 2/10/2016 8:57:56 PM

DMT-Nexus member

Welcoming committee

Posts: 2698
Joined: 03-Aug-2009
Last visit: 15-Mar-2017
Location: United Police States of America
Q: How much does it cost to keep a zombie well fed?

A: An arm and a leg.
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."
-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President
MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2


Power is Power, but Knowledge is Self-Empowerment
 
Rooftop
#76 Posted : 2/11/2016 10:34:11 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 168
Joined: 16-Jan-2011
Last visit: 20-Nov-2016
Location: europe
What does an insomniac dyslexic philosopher do? Stays up all night wondering if Dog exists.


A man with wide eyes and a pile of dog shit in his hand walks up and says:"Now look what I almost stepped into".
it's about making life a neverending experience of wonderfulness!
 
Godsmacker
#77 Posted : 2/12/2016 2:56:42 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 587
Joined: 02-May-2013
Last visit: 16-Apr-2018
A dylaxic man walks into a bra.
'"ALAS,"said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad
when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have
narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner
stands the trap that I must run into." "You only need to change your direction," said
the cat, and ate it up.' --Franz Kafka
 
OneStepBeyond
#78 Posted : 2/12/2016 4:19:10 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 131
Joined: 20-Dec-2014
Last visit: 20-Mar-2018
What's brown and sticky?...

A stick.
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today,
I wish, I wish he'd go away.
 
soulfood
#79 Posted : 2/12/2016 10:47:54 AM

DMT-Nexus member

Senior Member | Skills: DMT, Harmaloids, Bufotenine, Mescaline, Trip advice

Posts: 4792
Joined: 08-Dec-2008
Last visit: 24-Mar-2020
Location: UK
An Imam walks into a bar...
 
downwardsfromzero
#80 Posted : 4/8/2016 4:44:13 AM

No way ticket

Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 4789
Joined: 30-Aug-2008
Last visit: 01-Jul-2020
Location: square root of minus one
Man says to his doctor, "I think I'm going rusty," and the doctor replies, "It seems you've developed a common metal disorder."
Ora, lege, lege, lege, relege et labora

“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
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